Me and My Chickens

Excuse me?

2011-09-05T18:32:00.002-05:00

The other night while I was standing at the stove cooking dinner Andrea made this comment, "You know your skin kinda feels funny after you shave it". Of course I have to agree with her and pointed out that your hair actually has an important function of protecting the skin but out of vanity we shave it. Then Andrea dropped one of those tidbits that make me want to panic and laugh hysterically at the same time.

"Yeah, my arms feel kinda weird but they are nice and smooth."

I just about had kittens right there. With Herculean strength I pushed down the urge to wig out on her and asked as calmly as possible; has she been shaving her arms. You never know when you become a parent what kind of insane questions you will have to ask. She told me in her best annoyed preteen voice that as a matter of fact she has been shaving her arms.................Blink, Blink.

Right there I broke. "ARE YOU CRAZY? DON'T SHAVE YOUR ARMS. THAT IS FOR SWIMMERS AND MALE STRIPPERS". Yup, I am the world's greatest mom.

After I calmed down and told her to shave her legs and her armPITS, I then had to explain that house painters have people come clean up the occasional paint spill and they are called strippers and you know how hairy some guys arms are and to keep from have constant pain from pulling out their arm hairs they just shave them.

Yeah I'm a coward.

Are you sure this is just a Wednesday?

2011-07-28T13:42:00.003-05:00

I am normally not one of those people. Those, "Oh crap it is Monday and I desperately miss Friday", people. A day of the week is a day of the week. Some people when they have a bad day will double check and make sure that it is not monday. Oh how I envy those people. If only my bad days were just a simple Monday curse. Nope my bad days are cursed simple by me. I am my own voodoo witch doctor. My bad days happen simple because I decided to venture out of my safe place and suddenly the crazy magnet gets switched on. And crazy happens ever day of the week.

Today as soon as I woke up the girls announced to me that the turtle's light bulb had burned out; so Laney and I went straight to Petsmart to get a bulb. Of course Laney wanted to watch the turtle eat fish again therefore I had to buy a few swimming meats for the grinder. We asked an employee to fish out some turtle treats for us. Laney then informed the little Petsmart chick that the fish were for her dad's pet turtle and that it is "semi-aquatic". I was very proud of my little girl's vocabulary skills and then little Petsmart chick decided to roll her eyes at MY kid. I almost threw down in the middle of a pet store. Instead I gave little Petsmart chick a very stern "I will so own you" look and she quickly bagged up some goldfish victims.

As soon as I got home I went to plug in the new light bulb and realized I did not buy a bulb but a small lamp with the picture of a bulb on the box. Yup, I shopped by the picture and did not actually READ the package to make sure I was getting what I needed. Laney and I raced right back to Petsmart to exchange the lamp and to get a bulb. Of course little Petsmart chick was now working the register. Laney quickly and very obviously to everyone in the store pointed out that was the lady that made mommy mad earlier. After thanking Laney for pointing that out I quickly snatched up the manager and made him help me fix my light bulb problem. I also made sure that I bought two light bulbs to prevent me from having to deal with little Petsmart chick ever again.

In the parking lot right beside my van were two gentlemen dressed in matching cameo pants and T-shirts kissing each other. I so lied and told Laney that one of them was really a girl but she was just dressing up as a boy. I know it was weak but I was thinking on the fly and one guy had his T-shirt tied up all slutty like in the front to show off his belly. I don't want to go down that particular rabbit hole with my 8 yr old kid. All I know is that it worked.

See what I mean by crazy and that one just one simple errand of my day. Also the girls saw the picture I put up with this post and are now making their own mustaches out of black felt. I handed them the Flip camera and told them to have fun. I guess crazy can be fun.

***Some one just Facebooked me and pointed out that today is Thursday............... That's it I give up and I will now retreat and go to bed.*********

The Girls and I Got Our Hair DID!

2011-07-26T15:55:00.004-05:00

So after years of homemade hair cuts I finally have a FOR REAL hairdresser! See baby steps into adult hood can be a good thing. (Note to son. Ignore that sentence and move out!)

One day CJ's hair had grown so long that everyone was complementing me on my beautiful teenage daughter and Chris snapped! He dragged the teenage cousin It; out of our house and went to the closest barber shop. Unfortunately that shop was too busy and Chris wasn't going to wait. So he dragged CJ to the next best thing. The black beauty salon in the next shopping center over. They had one little itty bitty white lady working in the store and from there a beautiful relationship was born. CJ came back with awesome hair and then landed the current girlfriend shortly after that.

So because I am all mature I sent the itty bitty white lady my two girls and let her cut their hair. She did a great job and I found something FANTASTIC. Hanging out in the black beauty salon is awesome funny! They kick up and have fun. Make jokes of how wonderful I would look with a blonde weave or better yet some finger waves but only on the left side of my head. They watch soap operas and talk about cutting a two timing actor's nanas off. Sometimes their kids have to come to work with them and they spank the fool out of them if they mess up. I HAVE FOUND MY PEOPLE!

Plus my hair looks good! For real I'm not playing. I have great hair. That little hair styling midget is a miracle worker. She took my long almost to Amish length hair and gave it some style and color and she is CHEAP! I think I should stand outside with a sandwich board that says "CHEAP MIRACLE HAIR DRESSING MIDGET"!

Every time I go I have a great time. I get to watch them ply their trade and man that is some work. The braid hair for hours then sew in more hair on top of the braids. I have seen them sculpt waves and boxes and swirls into various women's hair. It is so neat to watch. I have never seen such things before and I am wildly curious. They let me ask all kinds of stupid questions and sometimes they answer them. I am not only in love with my hairdresser but also with the beauty shop itself. Until..........

One day they shop ladies were talking about Flava Flav. They were looking at a magazine spread of his baby's momma and I about feel out of my hair dresser's chair. "Someone had a baby with Flava Flav?" They turned and looked at me. Since I made the statement I decided to go down that rabbit hole and never look back. Never just mess up, you should mess up big. That's my motto. "I mean the guy is a mess and well he is ugly. Who looked at him and said he would make good babies?"

You could have cut the tension with a knife. Apparently Flava Flav is some kind of icon there and I should have never talked about him like that but don't fret. It is all good now. I even mentioned the little episode with the beauty supply shop and they told me they were very upset that I was spoken to like that and two of the hair stylist wanted to go to the store with me and say sometime to the owners.

I. Repeat. I love my hair salon.

ps. Wait till I tell them that his new chicken restaurant is now bankrupt!

The Turtle

2011-07-11T19:21:00.002-05:00

So for Father's Day I got Chris a turtle. Chris has always thought of turtles as neat animals and I knew it would be a hit with him. What I didn't know was that the whole family would fall for the critter. (either that or we are really hard up for a dog) So just before Father's Day the quest for a turtle began. First I tried to get a 4th grade teacher to give me her class turtle. At first she was good with it but then told me I had to bring it back for school next year. So since Ms. S turned out to be a raging Indian Giver I had to come up with another plan.

I went turtle hunting. Just a few days before I had seen a just hatched baby turtle in a stream while hiking along Lake Rim. I just figured I would hike back in, have a look around and viola instant pet. Nope. I went in twice as far as the last trip and searched several streams and the banks of the river and no turtle. After doing a run and jump to get over a muddy stream I noticed a pine tree along the trail. A section of bark had been ripped off and just a few feet past it in the soft sand was a bear print. I held my scream on the inside and almost peed myself. I made a hasty leap back over the water and started my retreat. Then suddenly out of the blue my cell phone chimed to this, "I can text now, did you hear that Richard has been chosen for the ALL Stars team? Today is national donut day per dad". Yup my mother texted me while I was trying to retreat from man eating bears. So then it was onto plan D. (don't ask about C)

That left me with buying one and I had to go to South Carolina to do that. First I tried to just drive in and stop at the first pet shop I saw. After an hour of no shops I decided to pull into Barefoot Landing and ask around. Barefoot Landing does have "info huts" but they only tell you about the shops in Barefoot Landing. They refuse to say anything else. So I let the girls stroll along a walk way while I sat on a bench to work 411 on my cellphone. I didn't get far until Laney started shouting about a turtle. Lo and behold a giant turtle was floating in the water with several fish begging for food. I had to cough up about two bucks in quarters for the girls to feed the critters. I was so ticked off that the thing I wanted was right in front of me but I couldn't have it.

Eventually we found a PetSmart and bought a turtle. Chris was very pleased with it and well I don't think he would have survived if he didn't.

We named the turtle JT for Just Turtle. Laney keeps calling it TJ for TURTLE JUSTICE. The girls also take the turtle out for a walk in the front yard about every other day. I took it into the vet's office CJ use to work for to get it a check up. The vet said the turtle is a female, to try feeding it more veggies, and that it was a very healthy turtle. Thank goodness because I don't think I can handle another traumatic pet death. You can only deal with that drama so often with your kids.

The most interesting part is that JT begs for food and seems to like messing with me. I have tried to feed it all kinds of veggies and sometimes it will taste them but wind up spitting them back out. She then drags the veggies up under her rocks like a little kid hiding its broccoli under a napkin. Even the turtle wants to make me crazy.

I Can't Believe She Was Serious.

2011-07-11T09:42:00.002-05:00

So Sunday Chris made a quick visit by the studio and I decided to go into the beauty shop next door. Laney has been biting her nails and the poor things are nothing but nubs now. I have declared no more nail painting until she actually grows out nails to paint. Laney is not pleased with this and is trying to stop the biting. Then I had an idea. I need to purchase nail polish especially made for nail biters and I just assumed that it could be found in any of the abundant beauty supply shops in town. Seemed like a safe assumption.

After perusing several aisles of wigs and weaves, because for some odd reason they really fascinate me, I made my way to the nail supply aisle. All kinds of neat products that I mentally filed away to come pick up at another time. I also decided that I could use some of the acrylic nails stuff to make miniature clear models of tiny animals. I also spied battery operated nail files and some kind of silk wrapping for nails. (SO FANCY) After several minutes of browsing I could not find the bad tasting nail polish. I did find nail growth polish and decided to pick that up. I figured giving Laney a little boost wouldn't hurt anything.

I wandered up to the check out isle and asked the lovely store clerk if she knew where in the store I could find the nail polish. I said, "My daughter is a very bad nail bitter and I am looking for nail polish made to deter her from that". The answer I got was so amazing I stood there stunned. Lovely store clerk, "Well this is a black beauty supply shop and black children don't do that." Me, "........'blink, blink'.............."

I was so shocked and amazed by that comment that it literally rendered me speechless. I gathered up my purchased and stumbled my way outside into the glaring sun.

How would I be defined?/A bird of a different feather.

2011-07-03T07:09:00.008-05:00

This morning I was reading an article about a small North Carolina town. The article was about summertime without air conditioning and the time period was from the late 50's to mid 60's. This line showed me what a sad state I am in. "Mama and her neighbors had their housework done by the afternoon and visited one another over iced tea." When I read that I got a tinge of jealousy. Them all sweaty, no air conditioned women had other women to hang with during the day. Darn heifers.

I am one of few stay at home moms in my neighborhood. I don't entertain myself with drinking and night club dancing. I am also not ultra pious and do not flaunt my Christianity and use it to social climb. I have a strange love for SciFi movies and tv shows. I talk rough and like to set up my target in the back yard for shooting practice with my compound bow, but I don't hunt. Also I spank my kids. I am not scandalous enough for some, I do not reference enough geeky culture in my speech, or play nerdy souped up versions of chess for others, not hyper spiritual, not redneck enough for a few and not well mannered for most. So? What in the crap am I? Who can I spend time with? Where is the nice womanly niche for me to fill in?

So because I am a true adult and know that I should put all things in my life to prayer I of course asked the Google. I know Lord I need to talk with you and listen to what you say before I jump but I didn't have my coffee yet and my brain just wasn't functioning right. So are we good? Okay.

So I asked The Google to show me a stay at home mom. One of the images shown was Rosie the Riveter holding a baby. Apparently Google didn't know she worked. I guess it was to show moms can do everything but it still wasn't what I was looking for.

Next just to see what would pop up I searched for images of working moms and this photo of Val Kilmer for the movie Willow popped up. I guess The Google wasn't following gender lines on that one. It also showed some pictures of Elvira. Of course Elvira and the movie Willow touched on my nerdy side (plus remember in Willow when Val was talking about how he would make a great mother?).

So I searched geek mom on The Google and this awesome photo came up. I do love me some Star Wars, Dr. Who, Star Trek, Firefly but I hated the new Battlestar Galatica and I don't like the image of a PC there. So I guess I am kinda geeky but not a full on bona-fide geek mom. Also why do geeks completely dismiss Barbarella? I liked that movie.
Next I searched The Google for Christian mom and this one popped up. I don't fully identify with this type of Christian mom. I feel more that I am a mother who is also a Christian. My faith is peppered in everything I do but it is not the main color that I paint with. Faith is interwoven into our lives with all the other characteristics that we have and it effects each characteristic. I am not comfortable coming at a person so strongly and heavily with my faith that it is scary overwhelming. It is not hidden but it isn't flashing in bright neon lights either. Maybe in time as God and I work on my flaws it will be more evident but for now that hyper super Christian mom is not me.
So in an act of true disappointment, because well every one knows that The Google doesn't function very well as a Magic 8 Ball, I looked for a chicken mom. Most images where of chicken recipes but this little gem popped up and it tickled my demented side.

I still feel like I don't fit in anywhere and I have tried. I have tried to get along with super moms but felt very inadequate in their presence. Plus I really do think some of them "do all" moms are on drugs. There is no way a human being can run the PTA, keep their home spotless, cook extravagant and healthy meals everyday, shuttle their kids all over creation, wear snappy outfits and be part of the Ladies Jr. League without some mother's little helper. Those absolutely perfect women will be a top a tower with a high powered machine gone one day. Mark my words.

I have tried the party moms and the loving mother/frat house boy personality kinds creeps me out. I have tried the super Christian moms but I felt extremely uncomfortable. I don't know for sure what it is but a whole group of them makes me queasy. They aren't bad people but it just doesn't sit right with me. I can not find other geek moms. I guess not to many geek girls become geek moms. I have tried intellectual moms and felt dumb. I have tried to spend time with working moms but those guys are so ran ragged I feel bad interrupting their rare downtime. A few stay at home moms I know are either crazy or loaded down with toddlers and babies. I like toddlers and babies but that mom is very scatter brained and few can navigate the diaper clad jungle and still carry on full coherent sentences. I understand that stage of motherhood but since I was able to finally run away from that I kinda don't like visiting it. Lets face it. If the kid is still in a diaper or eats dirt and they aren't a niece or nephew I ain't going anywhere near it. Also I am not the shopping mom, the gym mom, the organic hippie mom or the sports mom. I am not the PTA mom, the artsy mom or the everybody else's mom. Also I am not a dog mom. I really don't get the whole dog mom thing.

I don't know what I am and in the end only my children will define what kind of mom I am. For now I will do the best I can, and still make small fleeting attempts at companionship with women I have no understanding for.

Crap! It feels like high school again.

Shallow, shallow, shallow, so much shallowness.

2011-07-02T19:07:00.002-05:00

While cooking dinner I let my mind do some wondering. Really it wonders all the time but just for once it felt like I was in semi-control since I gave it permission.

So while it was taking it's little stroll through the tulips it noticed that I get some kind of arrogant pleasure to notice other people's flaws. You know things like, "She is so amazingly well read but as deaf as a door knob" or "They are one of the most loving families I have ever met but their house is a pig style" and the one that I absolutely get the most pleasure out of, "She is still FAT".

Yup, I went there and I go there very often. The most recent was seeing one of my neighbor ladies at the girls' school. I was attending the end of year parent volunteer brunch and saw her swoop in with her very sweet toddler in tow. She came in a very fetching summer dress with matching head band and super cute shoes. So why do I feel the need to judge her? Because she is one of those. One of those women that have to be in the clique. The ones that are masters of everything and everyone. I can handle the McGyver of all things public and domestic but the needed to rule over others makes me instantly feel full on disgust towards you. (I fart in your general direction)

As I watched her plant herself in the center of her group and watched them cackle over her like a bunch of noisy hens I realized something. I had not seen her in roughly 9 months (I know as a neighbor I really do suck) and she is just as fat as she was before. And that made me feel better some how.

I know as a big girl myself I should know better than to judge others about their weight but I couldn't help it. It was irresistible like a forbidden apple in the center of the garden. I knew I shouldn't but I did it anyway.

I will try to do better. I will notice that this person and other people as well have some many personal issues that for me to judge them on something so petty is frivolous and wrong. I will remember this lesson and become better for it.

p.s.

Girl you should of seen that floral dress she was wearing. When she turned around the flowers on her back side looked like they were straining to pop right off and runaway. Looked like two big headed kids with their faces pressed up against a window with all the force they could muster. I have never seen all the detail of a hibiscus flower until I saw it blown up to poster size.

Thank goodness I ain't Catholic. Could you imagine how many Hail Marys that would be?

That is how I got SUPERPOWERS!

2011-06-09T18:22:00.002-05:00

Today I was chit chatting with my sister on Facebook (because we are so high school) and I dropped this one. "I'm on my fifth cup of coffee and when the caffeine levels get that high I can't eat. So today's lunch is Dunkin Dougnuts coffee with French Vanilla creamer followed by an awesome dessert of uncontrollable handshakes! Because I'm healthy and crap like that." She then lovingly pulled a cyber Memaw on me and informed me of my bad health decision. Touche' Jocelyn Touche'.

Yeah, so five cups of coffee isn't the greatest thing for me but sometimes I have to do something bad. (or else I could go crazy) Normally my regular coffee intake is two mugs and when I feel adventurous I double to four. Four is my mother's helper when I need some extra oomph for the day. I zip around my chores and errands and sometimes I do a few miles on my bike to insure I sleep well that day. Oh, but today I forged passed my boundaries and broke the sound barrier with a FIFTH cup!

Cup number five. Cinco. And it was good. I could see colors. I could hear the buzz of flies from outside and my kids' bathroom was spotless in a matter of minutes. The girls came home from school and I had a million questions for them. I made dinner, fed the neighbor's kid and cleaned the kitchen. Finished the end of year teacher's gifts (also for the neighbor's kid). Cleaned the fridge, mended the four inch tear in my comforter, washed the sheets, cleaned out the kids craft cabinet, and redid the summer calendar (originally that took me three days). And. I. Could. Save. The. World!

Until I disastrously crashed from my insane caffeine high. You could hear the roaring screeching sound as my over taxed body slammed back into Mother Earth. My poor lovely daughters. They suffered the worst.

They were watching a Mr. Bean episode and they could not understand it. Mr. Bean's tv wasn't working and he kept running around his apartment with an odd looking tree of wires on a stick. They had no idea was that small wire tree was. Why didn't his cable or satellite work? They had so many questions and I was spent. I didn't answer them. They had a long discussion about that wire tree. I just laid on the couch and drooled. They then performed their bedtime ritual and went off to slumber land perplexed.

So no more five cups of coffee. It may make me a SUPREME HOUSEKEEPING GODDESS but a pretty crappy mom. Oh well.

Your are fruity in the loops, she is fruity in the loops, I am fruity in the loops. Just face it we are all FRUITY!

2011-06-07T11:01:00.004-05:00

Lord, it is me Nicole again. Thank you for my family. They are amazing people. Really I am amazed by them. I just want you to know you do great work and I am thankful for that. Super job and you are an A+ supreme being. But I just want to let you know that these amazing people are INSANE. They are some kind of crazy. Not "Ha, ha, we so funny crazy" but "we enjoy padded rooms and little white backwards coats with straps" kind of crazy. And exo facto by association they are making me crazy. Here is what I mean.

Let's start with their dad, Chris. I still don't know why there is a case of Mentos in my house but you planted the idea in his brain that he needed to buy those. Also why does he do his computer work at the couch while watching Arewolf episodes on Netflix. We have a desk. Grant it the desk is usually cluttered but most of it is his stuff anyway. And why did you give him this freakish ability to always come home while I am in the shower? Here is the scene. I just finish yard work, a hike, or something that makes me sweat like a pig and I need a shower. I am home alone and after I just start shampooing my hair a man's voice breaks through the silence to say "Hey baby, just thought I would let you know I am home". I freak out and try to climb the tile, soap stinging my eyes or better yet I am shaving my legs and now I have a three inch slice going down my shin. Oh and because of that I never want a surprise party. My poor heart won't take it.

Next is Andrea. She is super smart and I am thankful for that. I am worried a little about her personal drive. She doesn't do great school work just for the accolades. Nope she does it so she can thoroughly squash all competition and then throws sand in their eyes. It is kinda creepy and I think there may be some children in therapy after competing with her. Her personal style is just starting to develop and already it has gone to some strange places. One day for school she pulled her hair up into a twist, clamped it down with a large hair claw then put two take out chop sticks into her hair. I was more then ready to tell her how foolish it looked until she turned around. Right in the middle of her forehead was a green smily face sticker. I was so taken back I did not voice my concern and let her go to school looking like a wacked out Hindu with antenna. Oh, and she also takes fish hook earrings, attaches candy to them and wears them to school. It is just so hard to talk to her while constantly staring at the Jolly Ranchers still in their wrappers dangling wildly from her lovely ears. Lord thank you for not giving her the idea to impale Peeps on a wire and hang those from her ears. I don't think I could of ever taken her seriously again.

Then there is CJ. The man child. He is not a child anymore but he is also not quite an adult yet. He is in some kind of identity limbo. I am proud of him. He is back in college and is holding down his jobs. He still has his midget girlfriend, Applegate, and she still seems very nice and sane. But Lord, the boy is like a ghost. We only see him at night and early morning. I am beginning to think he may be a vampire. He is not home during the day but I think he keeps his coffin at the Swedish Imports mechanic shop off of Bragg blvd. As a matter of fact I think it is that little black Saab he was driving around at one time. God if he really is a vampire please bless him with better day time arrangements than a ratty old Saab. Maybe an old Volkswagon or a mangy minivan. Anything than that rust bucket his was in. I will embrace his alternate life style but I am encouraging he does it safely.

Finally we come to Laney. She has an amazing mind. It is full of great intelligence but it is guided by a runaway missile. She comes up with glorious, beautiful and odd ideas. She has a black cloth bag she is keeping in the kitchen full of various items she collected from around the house. She is using this collection to build a robot. A robot with a small plastic purse full of emergency LIPSTICK. I am trying my best to encourage this new creative play for her but she keeps talking about how the robot will be my maid at first and then when the kids move out I can be the maid for the robot! At first I argued that the robot won't need a maid and that is not how I want to spend my time when the kids move out. She then started to design her robot with a small laser gun on the back for when the robot might need it. "Just encase" she says while eyeing me.

So there you have it Lord. I do love my family but I think you sent me some of the Adams family by mistake. It is too late to return them now because I have grown attached to them. I just ask you to please equip me with the tools I need to take care of them, to love them, and to gently guide them. Please show me how to care for their needs in a way that shows to them that I truly do love them. Because Lord one of them children will one day rule the world with a demented sister and a vampire brother and I want to come from the ensuing world war and Apocalypse unscathed and with a small house on my own island in Hawaii and that will only happen if they think I am on their side.

Thank you. Amen

Forgiveness, it is everywhere.

2011-05-30T09:04:00.006-05:00

slight cussing at the 4:30 mark and violence scattered through out

Let's play the forgiveness game. Here are the rules.

1. Never practice forgiveness.

2. NEVER practice forgiveness.

3. You must convince others you have forgiveness.

4. Must use your lack of forgiveness to feed your wrath and to help you make elaborate plans of revenge.

5. When you tell someone you forgive them give as many long lingering hugs as you can to truly make the recipient as uncomfortable as possible.

6. Must quote lines from well respected individuals or better yet bible verses.( MLK quotes 2 points bible verses 4 points)

7. The forgiveness game never ends.

8. If this is your first time playing the Forgiveness Game (really your first time?) well um........you must be like two if you haven't had to do this before; so go away. I already don't like you.

Ah forgiveness what a strange way of life. The forgiveness word has been popping up everywhere. Sunday school class, the tv, my Netflix of Farscape has had a few episodes of Crichton forgiving Aeryn (my nerd points just increased) and at the girls' school. The character ambassador trait for the month of May is ,drum roll please, FORGIVENESS. And Laney was selected as the character ambassador of her class too! Lots of forgiveness talk going around my house and more than once I wanted to punch somebody. Also for the next week I will be putting my own neck on the chopping block dealing with some unfortunate things I have said. So all aboard on the forgiveness train!

A friend is having a hard time forgiving his wife's employers for being all around jerks to his spouse. He has brooded over this injustice for weeks and wants so much to teach those bad men a lesson but knows that is not the way to go. I've listened to him rant only two times and I can tell it has eaten him up and I want to punch him, but I don't. I know that each person will have this lesson handed to them in life. Everyone must figure this out themselves or they will never learn, but how some people handled it frustrates me so bad I could kick puppies.

I also had to deal with unforgiveness in our old church. Truly what the whole ugly business boiled down to was people flat out refused to forgive each other and instead used their anger to fuel various plans and schemes of revenge. (Oh and a couple of grandpas decided to duke it out) I spoke to a few of the older congregants about this attitude and they said they could never forgive the others for what they did or did not do. I am so looking forward to when I get to become a senior citizen and get to revert back to preschool behavior.

Laney is the forgiveness character ambassador. All she knows is that is a really big word but apparently she has this super power ability and the school rewarded her with a lunch from Chic-fil-a. She asked what forgiveness meant and I told her it was the ability to hear some one say "I'm sorry" and you say "That's okay" in return. She shrugged it off and decided it had to be something way cooler than that. (so I guess that even at a young age it is a hard concept)

I made a major step to forgive not matter what it would cost me, in my life. That is an amazing thing but to be honest it was a survival instinct. I knew in order to make any progress I had to give up my right to seek justice. Here it is raw for you. In a two hour ride to race to my dying son I got a phone call telling me he didn't make it. Chris and I made the decision right there, on the side of the road in the middle of nowhere, to forgive. We forgave the people that neglected our son when he needed them most. We could have had charges brought against them but we didn't. We could of cut them out of our lives all together but we didn't. We completely gave that decision to forgive to God and walked away from it. We had other things to do. We had a family to care for, a son to bury, and a sea of grief to wade through. Know what? In all that stuff the forgiving was the easiest to do.

I have had several other people here who recently want to play the forgiveness game with me. You know what sucka, I don't play. When I hear someone complain and wallow in their anger and unforgiveness I have an over whelming urge to slap a fool. I really do. I want to reach out, smack them in the head and hope the force fires up some sleeping neurons and spark some sense into them.

Unfortunately that means that I am in the Homie the Clown stage of my spiritual walk and that is okay for me but not for others. I could be a slight danger to fellow Christians. Also I think I have been in this stage for a while and refused to acknowledge it. So that means I need to lay low for a time and try my best to not make any waves. If I am not mature enough to control myself and you are not mature enough to deal with me than we need to stay away from each other.

p.s. to my children I want a Homie the Clown sock for Christmas.

Educated Dirty Laundry

2011-05-10T09:30:00.002-05:00

Yesterday I did the usual Monday search of Laney's backpack. Yes the search should always be done on Friday so there will be no surprises come Monday, but we all know I am a big slacker in the mommy department. So bite my butt.

Anyway while doing the regular search and seizure on my kid's belongings I was given a gentle reminder as to why these searches should not only be done on Friday but also at random. After pulling out some library books, and a few papers I pulled out Laney's light weight pink coat and then Holy Great Pencil Sharpener a pair of underwear falls out of the bag!

I tried my best calm mommy voice (which I must remember always scares the mess out of my kids) I asked Laney why a pair of underwear where in her bag. That of course put Laney on high alert. She stood up very straight and angle her body just so her bottom was outside of spanking distance and did a stiff bend over and peak to see what I was holding. She then relaxed and said, "Oh, Friday when I got to school that pair of underwear was dangling out of my other underwear so I just stood up and pulled them out. I put them in my backpack".

Now let us analyze this comment. In class she felt a something dangling out of her underwear, stood up from her desk, reached into her pants, and pulled out another pair of underwear...................

Could you imagine some kid just standing up in your class room and pulling out a pair of underwear? What do you say to your student? How long do you wonder if the kid now has on ANY underwear? That poor teacher.

There was no note home and Laney acted like it was no major thing so I dropped it. Literally, that pair went straight to the laundry. I never had to wash laundry from a school backpack. There is always a first time.

Mother's Day and nobody got hurt! SCORE!

2011-05-08T17:29:00.003-05:00

Ah, Mother's Day. A day to honor your mother or to watch your family try to honor you. Personally that whole, 'here is one day you MUST show love to your mother' all day is just odd to me. Add different ladies boasting about what her fantastic cherubs and amazing husband did to worship at the alter of motherhood did that morning is also just odd. What happened to remembering my BIRTHDAY? You know that day were I actually did something. I came into existence. I mean that is no small thing but that day always slides by like a greased goose and I am stuck with the price of a few more wrinkles and grey hair that won't color. (I have paid professionals and those things still won't color. Stupid mutant hair)

Anyway I am blessed with a husband and spawn that want to do nice things for me and well I am always looking for the shoe to drop. I gave you a nice card, so can I have a sleep over, watch R rated movies, or have your credit card? You know those kinds of things. I sincerely try my hardest to show them I am thankful and I really truly am, but I just can't shake the suspicion. Alas my family knows I am dysfunctional and just carry on.

This morning Andrea made me breakfast, Laney painted me a picture of a big rig truck that says 'Best Mom', CJ gave me flowers and a funny bumper sticker for my van. Chris got me a nice collection of various golf accessories and golf lessons. (well the lessons will start when he finds the 'appropriate' teacher for me.............yeah I am a little worried about that too) After everyone was sharply dressed, hair coiffed and my war paint well applied; we headed off to church.

CHURCH. The gathering hole. God's house. The Body of Christ. The City of the Living God. Yup, the Big G's crib and I still have major problems going to church on Mother's Day. Basically it is a whole time period of motherly praises and I am counting up all the one less moments we have. One less chair is filled at the dinner table, one less kid to wake me in the morning, one less kid to go to school and one less kid to make homemade cards for me. Mother's Day is the one holiday that really kicks me in the gut while ripping my heart out.

I am getting better. The last two Mother's Days we took the family on a trip. Chris knew I needed to runaway. Today was less tortures than it could of been. Thank goodness the preacher taught about Jesus as the shepherd and not a whole mother specific sermon. But the point is I made it through.

After church Chris took the whole family and CJ's girlfriend, Applegate, out for lunch. We went to the new steak house in Hope Mills and I needed to blow off some steam. Chris seemed to handle the shenanigans well. I decided to seriously rock the whole "it's my day" thing and ordered a filet with a lobster. Oh, my that lobster was the source of much entertainment. The girls have never seen a person eat a whole lobster and watching me rip chucks of meat out of the once happy little sea critter was a sight to behold. I did ask the waiter for lobster tools so I could try to eat lady like but the restaurant did not have them. The chef had already split the tail and cracked the claws for me but from there you were on your own.

So while my whole family watched I popped the claws off with my bare hands and yanked the flesh out. While Laney's eyes grew larger and larger I dipped the sweat morsels into melted butter and gratefully relished the taste. (Laney also told me to not eat the eyes?)

.............................Sorry had to a small emergency and had to step away from the computer. Laney opened a new bottle of red Fanta, after shaking it up, in the kitchen and well red staining soda everywhere. So where were we? Oh, me gutting a lobster.

It did not take long for Andrea to notice that when I took the meat out of one of the claws, that it was still in good condition and best of all it still had the little thingy on the inside that you could pull and the claw would open and close. She quickly claimed it as her own and named it Sheldon. CJ clamed the other and was using it as a pincher to feed himself one french fry at a time. I also cracked open the head piece and showed the girls were the lobsters gills were. Somewhere during that time Chris and Applegate made eye contact and made a silent plea to each other but seriously what could be done?

The meal was fantastic and Chris noticed a moment for revenge. I hate country music and our waiter kept singing it. I was handling it well but after a while I started to get an eye twitch. The waiter also gave us a little speech about how he loved to sing country music and several people have been telling him to try out for American Idol and that some woman once paid him an extra $20 for singing so wonderfully while he served her. Yeah, what ever buddy that is so not going to happen with me.

The meal was nice and the offer for dessert came. Of course being the holiday glutton that I am I wanted an order of bread pudding but to go. So I could curl up on my couch, watch some tv, and enjoy the sweet goodness at home; AWAY from the country music. Chris looked up at the waiter told him the order but to serve it there at the restaurant. Yup, sold out by my loving husband just because we played with a lobster carcass at the dinner table. By the time we did finally leave I wanted to run out the door screaming. The waiter also had a dangling mole on his face that caused me some concern. It was also the first time I have seen a mole that dangled. I didn't know they existed.

The rest of my day was spent napping on the couch while watching episodes of Farscape. Yup, Happy Mother's Day.

Mother's Day is Coming!

2011-05-03T08:23:00.003-05:00

This morning as soon as my cute little toes hit the floor my big ugly mouth started nagging. CJ turned on the tv and the girls were not fully ready for school yet. Ok? Let that sentence sink in and marinate a little on your grey matter.

My children are absolutely incapable of performing normal day to day functions if the TV is on.

Oh course they inherited that wierdo gene from me but we are not talking about me right now. (Who am I kidding? I love attention. We will talk about me in just a little bit) Laney still had three major needs to tend to and CJ had his goofy monster truck show on, turning the dear girl into a zombie eyed drooling mess. She still needed to put on socks and shoes, brush her teeth, and attempt to tame her chronic case of bed hair. So as soon as I finally dragged myself out of bed my mouth started like................. just so I don't call myself ugly names, um, you fill in the blank.

Laney was quickly chastised and CJ was lit into so bad that it caused him to turn the TV off and make a hasty retreat to work. Suddenly he was conscience about being late, who knew? Finally both girls were ready for school and the TV was turned back on. A little to myself and aloud to the growing jungle of cobwebs above my head I said this lovely gem. "Because Mother's Day is coming I just felt the overwhelming need to nag somebody. I can't miss out on the chance to earn more Mommy Points."

Laney and Andrea about snapped their heads off of their tiny necks to quickly give me disapproving glances. Laney said that maybe this year she didn't want to celebrate Mother's Day. I promptly told her that I do want to raise children that had the conviction to stand by their choices no matter what. I also thanked her on making the decision to not want to celebrate a holiday because that made it easier for me. I then told the girls that I no longer want to celebrate Christmas. It is just so expensive, and tiring and time consuming. I would love to take that whole month to just sit back and relax. Think of all the money Chris and I could save and even put some into a savings account so we could go to Greece!

Laney slumped down and kinda melted into the couch. "Fine I can make a card or something for Mother's Day."

Oh little girl you will. You will.

April Fools

2011-04-02T19:33:00.004-05:00

So this April Fools I decided to celebrate such a fine holiday and unleash some of my aggression issues. Boy did I have fun!

First Thursday night after the kids went to bed, I bubbled wrapped the kid's cereal and their toothbrushes. Second I taped plastic wrap across Andrea's bedroom door. Then just before tucking myself into bed I strung some dental floss across CJ's door. I then floated off to sleep land and had some dreams about a Pee-wee Herman trying to pimp out a tractor. (I really need to download Pee-Wee's Big Adventure)

Laney woke up first and promptly walked into my room holding the cereal and her toothbrush and demanded to know what happened. I told her Happy April Fools, she chuckled, and went on her way. Andrea denies that she walked into the plastic and CJ wanted to know who was trying to kill him. The best was the kid's bathroom toilet. I took the sound chip out of a greeting card and taped it to the toilet lid. When they went to the bathroom the toilet yelled "YOU DID GOOD! HAHAHAHAHA!". Now that is a morning wake up call.

All three went off to the destinations just knowing their mother has snapped and I went to work.

I put red glitter on Andrea's ceiling fan blades and glued google eyes on her bathroom mirror and shampoo bottles. I also glued google eyes on CJ's shampoo bottles and his tv; just so I can say that now it watches him. (I can't always come up with clever quips, sometimes a gal tries but can't alway deliver) I also used a little tissue paper and more googles eyes and rigged Laney's door to shower her with small shaky eye goodness. When they all came home each one had their own little special surprise.

(Andrea's bed after turning her ceiling fan on. She was not pleased with the mess)

The best was the Easter egg dye tablets. I put the tablets into the toilet tanks so that when they flushed the water color would change. Want to know why? I have observed a strange phenomenon in my family. After they flush the toilet they always check the bowl! I don't know why but all of them do it. Andrea came running down her stairs and wanted to know why I made her toilet orange. Laney wanted to know if I was using blue cleaner; so it was a dud for her. Chris was the best. I used green in our toilet and he just about had kittens.

(CJ's tv. I wonder how long he will leave those up.)

All in all I think our family should celebrate April Fools from now on. I also realize they will more thank likely take this day into account when they pick out my nursing home, but this just might have been worth it.

Beware the Ides of March

2011-03-30T09:11:00.009-05:00

So I loath the month of March. Lets face it for the past two years March has not been a good month for my family. Robbie passed just eight days after his birthday (March 24th), and a year later I had a stroke from all the stress I heaped upon myself. I painstakingly pushed to make sure that every single moment of every day was perfect for my kids and well it broke my brain. For realls yall.

This year when March rolled around the decision was made to make sure that when we celebrated what would of been Robbie's 7th birthday; it would be as laid back and relaxing as possible. We also decided to celebrate with only our small family.

First we went for a bike ride on the Cape Fear River Trail. We rode two miles in and back making the trip a total of four miles. It seemed like such a good idea until Laney was suddenly trapped on a wild run away bike prompting Chris to ditch his bike run down a hill and save his bewildered little girl. I being the amazingly wonderful mommy that I am, was not around. I didn't want to hang around with the slower part of the family and took the two faster kids farther down the trail. Chris banged up his leg and Laney decided she did not want to ride anymore. Long story short we enjoyed the ride (mostly) and Chris still has a decent sized strawberry mark on his ankle. Laney never wants to go on a bike ride with me, EVER, AGAIN!

We then picked up some chicken wings, went home and had an IronMan marathon. Robbie was a big IronMan fan and we thought that would be a great idea. So we all piled up in the living room with our wings and chowed down. Lets all cross our fingers and hope Laney does not repeat some of the wonderful sexually charged one liners from those movies.

A few days later we sent off some paper sky lanterns that we wrote messages on to Robbie. We had several wild fires in the area a few days before and Chris just knew we were about to start the next one. I will admit I was worried too but the kids were really looking forward to flying their lanterns. Those jokers were a little iffy at first but once they started to float it was smooth sailing.

CJ's girlfriend also surprised us with a birthday cake for Robbie. Applegate is a pretty decent cook and she made a delicious two tiered cake decorated with Hot Wheels and licorice swords that looked like the foam sword Robbie had for his last birthday party. It took a whole week for the kids to eat that cake and they loved every minute of it.

We had a decent time remembering our silly little boy and made some family memories while doing it. Not to bad. So far March didn't have me down........till St. Patrick's day.

I forgot to make sure the girls wore green to school that day. While I was getting dressed to go to the girls' school I made sure I had a green shirt but Freakin' Mother of the Year here couldn't do the same for her kids. Luckily I found three strands of green Madi Gras beads in the car and promptly put them on the girls as soon as I saw them at school. Of course by the time I showed up it was already too late. Andrea has a stern 'if you pinch me I will kill you' look and Laney.........well Laney had been pinched. She voiced her feelings about being forced to suffer such an indignity and snatched those green beads out of my hand and thrust them upon her neck. Poor kid.

Just when you think we have had enough another shoe dropped. The kid's medical insurance had expired and I didn't know it. After all the things we went through to get the medical coverage, it just expired. Poof! So I call the DSS Lady and had to submit a 'special' renewal form packet that I had to wait for her to mail to me. Once I got the 'special' form I about had a

conniption. It was the same form that I could of down loaded online and mailed in; No, I had to wait for the 'special' one from DSS Lady. Because I had to wait the kids went without coverage for a week. The whole time I had a nice little monkey on my back making me worry about what we would do if there was some kind of medical emergency. Once I got the new insurance cards I grabbed that little monkey and sold it to the local freak show. You know the one with Melvin the Amazing Midget and Liz the World's Greatest Lumberjack. No? Yall need to get our more.

So just when I thought I could come out of my fortress of solitude and try to act like a 'normal' mommy the universal joke I call my life let me know it wasn't done with me yet. Andrea had come in second place in her school's civic oration contest and had advanced to the district competition. She had about two weeks to improve her speech, memorize it and practice her hand gestures. Her teacher also sent her to about every class in the school and had her recite her speech and receive critiques from other teachers. (Got to admit if it was me I would have shot someone after doing that speech for the one hundredth time) So when the district contest came my parents, my nephew and mother-in-law came to see it. All of them arrived early so I could pile them up into the minivan drive into the bowels of Fayetteville and deposit them into the county schools' resource center in the middle of nowhere.

My poor dad had the honor of being in the passenger seat and had a front row ticket to the horror show I call driving. What can I say? I am a self taught driver. Andrea did a great job on her speech and she placed fourth. That just means next year when this speech rolls around again she is going to be kicking butt!! After the contest I piled all the family back into the van (like sardines) and drove by the hospital for a short cut to the Hope Mills Arby's for lunch. While chit chatting with dad and making a joke about the rolling stop I just made I saw flashing blue lights in my rear view mirror.

Yup, the man finally found me and I knew it was just a matter of time before it happened. What was funny was no one else in the van noticed the lights and when I started to slow down to pull over I could her mom from the back of the van asking why I was slowing down. "Because I am being pulled over" and just then I could see in my rear view every one in the back of the van whip their heads back to look at the pretty blue lights. I wonder what that cop was thinking of when he saw them looking back at him. Mr. Officer approached my car and asked why I was driving 48 mph in a 35 zone. Well I did what any self respecting adult would do; I blamed my family.

"Umm, today is my daughter's speech contest and all her grandparents came to see and well I just wasn't paying attention." He looked in the van and saw us packed in like a bunch of illegals and walked back to his patrol car with my driver's license. I could hear mom's voice quietly coming from the back of the van, "Did she blame us?". YES, YES I DID! It worked too because all he did was give me a warning of course instead of me showing my gratitude I blurted out this wonderful gem. "You just had to pull me over in front of my dad!" Yup, manners I has them.

Later in Arby's I texted Chris about my brush with the law and told him they only pulled me over because I am black and Dad is brown. He replied that what I did was UNACCEPTABLE. Yup, March your insistent need to torture us is just unacceptable.

Not only do I have great manners I also now how to dodge responsibility with a beauty called the Blame Game. It is a survival skill really.

Because I Said So!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2011-03-10T08:06:00.003-05:00

Everyone knows I have a really bad memory. My highly faulty memory springs from a learning disability from childhood. I see it for what it is and do my best with it. My family sees something all together different. They see a loop hole.

CJ is the most skilled in my family on exploiting my faulty brain. He pulls the whole you said this, or you allowed me to do that all the time. Recently he wanted to spend his day off with a friend who stayed home from school that day. I said no because I don't believe in allowing a child to skip school whenever they feel like it. Its just wrong and it tells the child that school is not a big deal. Plus it sounded suspicious to me. CJ just happened to get a call from work saying don't come in and this other kid just happened to have a Tuesday at school when the teachers are only showing movies. Any teacher that knows how to work smarter not harder will save that movie till Friday. Once you blow a day in the first of the week you have shot the whole week. Who would do that and torture themselves with unfocused kids for the next three days? Since I said 'No!' CJ decided to pull this one. "You let me do that once." Really?

I am the mom that pushes for perfect attendance for all its worth. (of course with in reason) I also remember throwing a fit when CJ was in middle and high school they did not get attendance awards and I knew he had achieved that. CJ never gets sick and would rather go to school then stay home and do chores for his mom all day. He knew a good thing when he saw one. Hence-o-facto he never stayed home on movie day.

Andrea is playing the other side of that coin. If mom has bad memory maybe I do too. (she also does the loop hole but hasn't fully perfected its' use yet) Andrea is trying to slack with her school assignments. Of course Andrea is a perfectionist in school and she will scramble to do something last minute and with panic set to HIGH. She says she forgot. I know she didn't forget. She lives for school; not because she loves school , but because she loves to crush her competition so hard that it leaves no doubt she is the superior student. Nice try kid, now do your work before I knock you stupid.

Laney has her own strategy. Mom has bad memory but I have a perfect memory. She remembers EVERYTHING. She misses nothing and when it comes back it just embarrasses the mess out of me. "Remember mom you said her mom dressed like a stripper?" Thanks for reminding me honey. I have to remember to keep my mouth shut around that kid. How do you back peddle on that one? "Oh she means I will help you put that pole up in your house when you get it."

Chris plays the memory game too but he is much more subtle. For example he called last night asking if I made dinner. Of course I didn't. It was Wednesday and there is not time for dinner. I just throw cheese sticks and carpet lint at the kids and we are out the door. So he asked if I want him to bring home something and that he might get the girls some dinner while he was at it. I was good with it and the girls had already eaten their carpet lint. He brought home sushi and then this morning he got me. I told him just before he hit the door that dinner tonight would be leftovers. We have tons of chicken bog left over from Tuesday when only me and the girls had dinner; plus all the fixins. He reminded me that I told him we were out of bog last night and that is why he picked up dinner. No I didn't say that. He made the assumption and then tried to cover by playing on my bad memory.

I don't think the family realizes that playing on my bad memory just opens them for more mommy mayhem. Oh you needed me to pick you up from work; opps I forgot and went to a capoeira class instead. Oh you need dinner tonight; I forgot to cook. Oh you needed poster board for your project; I forgot to pick some up. Oh you wanted to go out on a date tonight; I forgot we are painting today instead. Oh you needed clean slacks today; I forgot and spent an amazingly large sum of money on new clothes.

Since these chumps decided to play with my brain this week and we still have two days left in the week. I'm just going to go with it. I am going to forget everything and just do whatever the winds carries me to do.

DAWG!

2011-03-07T08:15:00.004-05:00

dogs and cats living together... mass hysteria!

Last post I mentioned my childhood pet. The master of disaster, mystical mutt and the Rock Hudson of yard dogs; Dawg. (Dad called him the Rock Hudson of yard dogs because...well... you will see). Dawg was a small black with brown dog that came from such an amazingly mixed pedigree I just don't feel the word 'mutt' truly sums it up. I don't remember where Dawg came from. I want to say he was found in our church parking lot and we just picked him up and brought him home but that just doesn't seem right. I just don't see us dressed in our Sunday clothes laying our just worshiped eyes on some random pup in the parking lot and scoop him up into our arms and head on home for lunch. (then again this is the same family that found a kitten in a restaurant parking lot, brought it home and named it P.U. for pretty ugly)

Dawg was pretty loyal. I would hop on my bike, ride through the woods at breakneck speed and dodging as many low branches as possible while Dawg ran along side of me. When I rode over to a friend's house he would tag along but as soon as he saw me to my destination he would take off and go do his own thing. He always reappeared when it was time to go home to fulfill his faithful escort duties. For the longest time I just knew he was taking his own tour through the woods, chasing rabbits, rolling in mud (and dead animals) and having a great dog's life. Oh how wrong I was.

Dawg was a great dirt road, in the sticks, dog. He barked when cars started to make their way up our driveway. He kept stray dogs away from our house; protecting us children from ne'er-d0-wells of the canine world. He even tried to attack my sister's boyfriend for rough housing with her in the yard and making her squeal. (to be honest sis I absolutely hated that guy and wished Dawg would rip out his throat. I had plans to feed him steaks if he did.) Dawg also took it as his solemn duty to keep me safe from what ever critter was around while I tromped through the woods. I will honestly say I was never attacked by an evil squirrel or rampaging rabbit.

One of my most frequently visited memories was the time Dawg was bitten or stung by something and his face swelled up to almost monstrous proportions. He looked like a canine caricature of Marlon Brando. (I just knew he had no regrets, didn't apologize for his life and he had hopes I would grow up to be Senator Nicole, Governor Nicole, something)

Dawg, Dawg, Dawg, one day a call came that shocked us all. Dawg had an odd affection for my friends' next door neighbor's chickens. Now down in the sticks everyone knew what a chicken was and they normally were nothing special. This one particular neighbor had exotic chickens. These exotic chickens had big round plumes of feathers that made them look like strange chicken astronauts. They also had feathers that covered their feet, giving their toes some insulation in winter. We all kinda thought those neighbors were uppity because they had useless exotic chickens. The only thing those chickens were good for was showing off.

Dawg found those exotic chickens irresistible. At first he would sneak over, grab hold of those chickens and gnaw on their necks. Never broke the skin just wanted to chew a little on them. Then as Dawg got older the chicken games went a tad on the weird side. The owner of the exotic chicken filed a complaint with my parents because they were tired of Dawg chewing on and mounting their chickens!

Oh. My. Goodness! We were mortified. Well most of the family was. Dad thought it was funny and right there he named Dawg to be the Rock Hudson of yard dogs. I didn't go play at my friend's house for days. I was too embarrassed to. Eventually I did go back and well Dawg did what Dawg did. We just kinda ignored it. Like that weird drunk uncle that you know has a good heart but had his flaws.

But apparently Mom had other ideas. She did not handle Dawg's preferences very well. (I mean Mom he could of been born that way!) She also had a problem with all the stray cats around our house. (My folks didn't have the scratch to pay a vet to fix our pets and well one thing just leads to another) So Mom made a call.

One day the dog catcher showed up at our house and loaded up as many cats as he could, our dog Sugar and Dawg. I knew it was one of those 'it had to be done' moments but I was broken hearted. I loved that freaky little dog even if he did smell like rotten dead animals all the time. Bike rides became less fun and I had to lean on myself to make sure no killer mutant chipmunks got the drop on me while i was swinging on wisteria vines.

Thinking about Dawg makes me want a puppy even more. A rescued mutt from the pound would be perfect. I will just have to make sure it is fixed and has no access to exotic chickens. Chris won't go for a pet like that in his house.

Life as I know it.

2011-03-04T09:09:00.005-05:00

Bare with me, I'm feeling froggy today.............

Ah, North Carolina. It's beauty, it's charm, it's romantic mystery, and it's unique brand of redneck. Yup this place grew me up and is part of what makes me the wonder I am today.

I'm an Oklahoma transplant and I noticed that gave me a little bit of a one up around here. My parents moved us to Brunswick county when I was five. A Kiowa Indian with his Okie wife gathered up their wild youngins and dropped them into the deep South. Sometimes I feel sorry for dad but I know that man had to have more laughs at the crazy locals than he had frustrations. Don't get me wrong. He had plenty of frustration but Southern redneck antics kept him entertained.

Of course if you grew up here the odds of you marrying a redneck can be pretty high. (unless you are my sister and prefer the exotic males from out west and get one specially ordered for you; she has always been a go getter). I did land me one and I marked him good. It also didn't hurt that I could lay out charm better than any born and bred Southern belle one minute and tromp through the swamp and talk to the animals like family the next. That is the kind of stuff that reaches into the hot blooded redneck male, grabs him by the nay-nays and makes his heart go pitter patter. Poor guy. He may have tried to shake me but I had a thing for tight jeans and he was scared of my dad.

Dad. My dad has a very slender build and is freakishly laid back. He had one thing going for him, he didn't look like he came from around them parts. His dark skin, black thick hair, quiet ways, eyes that could cut you to the quick and his heavy stache gave Chris some worry. So much worry that when I came up pregnant while still in high school Chris just knew Dad was going to seek retribution or jail time. He didn't know who's jail time it would be, but he just knew down to his toes there would be some. To this day Chris still treads lightly around Dad.

Now Chris isn't a down and dirty redneck; for lack of a better word he is an uppity redneck. He lives in polo shirts and slacks and constantly yearns for the next day to be spent at golf. He also made an interesting choice as his life work for a redneck. He is a photographer, and a very good one. When I met him he worked in the family business. A mom and pop hardware store with a pipe yard on the side. I will never forget riding up to the store with dad and seeing Chris lugging a large length of pipe on his shoulder because the fork lift was broken. I about swooned right there until Dad saw my reaction and hustled me right back into the car. That was my first and only ride to that store with Dad.

Chris also has an ear and heart for music. He can play a beautiful sax and a little piano along with several other instruments. Yup, a real renaissance redneck. His family is very Southern and even though I spent the past 11 years living among them like one of their own; I was in for some serious culture shock. I learned things that would forever be seared onto my brain and no amount of extensive therapy could ever make it go away. I was forced to make hog's head cheese by his very powerful grandmother. Mrs. Jimmy could take on any man any day of the week and you did not tell her no. I learned how to clean a deer and watch his dad use the empty skull as a puppet. His sister Shannon took me out spot lighting for deer on the back of a four wheeler while drunk out of our minds. I have also been made to help pick up road kill for dinner. I had nightmares after that, crazy upon crazy nightmares.

Just a taste of my childhood and teenage years. Someday when the urge hits me I will build on this, but for now I feel like I have slightly lifted the veil and found a small black mutt of a yard dog with a strange love for the neighbor's chickens. Dang! I miss that dog.

I will take Humiliation 101 for a $400 Alex.

2011-02-28T17:11:00.004-05:00

Well we are breaking in the new church and of course a couple of things popped up. The one I am going to tell you about is the guest speaker. The church brought in a special speaker for a men's conference and had him speak to the church for Sunday morning worship followed up with a special premarital sex sermon Sunday night. Now guest speaker did forewarn the church about the evening's topic and of course the 'bull by the horns' mom I am I just had to hunt the poor man down and drill him on exactly what he was going to say. I forced a new found friend (who hasn't really talked to me since) to be my wing man while I interrogated God's man.

The Speaker reassured me that his speech would be fine for Laney and Andrea and will create starting points for us to begin such talks at home. Things like condoms (I gagged a little on hearing that), premarital sex ( the little me in my brain fainted) and STD's (I gasped when the little EMT's had to give the little me in my brain a shock with their itty bitty paddles). I also told him that I will bring my kids but I am making the youngest one color the whole time and for him not to get offended if I shove an iPod in her face to keep her busy. We made swift eye contact and came to a silent understanding. That this mom is in no way on God's green earth prepared to have that conversation with her girls.

I did have the talk with CJ but I didn't turn that corner till this past year and the kid is 17 for Pete's sake. I am also the mom that did this and I even threatened to pimp Chris out (admit it bald men are hot just ask that lady at Walmart). I just want to keep the sweet wall of innocence up around my girls for as long as I can. On the flip side it is prudent to give your child a proper view on sex before the kids at school really mess your kid up!

So we went to church and I spent most of my time constantly pointing to Laney to color more. Guest Speaker gave out an amazing amount of statistics. So many that I did some glazing over but when he started talking about teenage mothers I tuned right in because I'm superficial that way. Mostly because I am a teenage mom and sweat drops of blood hoping my kids don't follow in those footsteps.

Speaker laid out that teenage moms have a high rate of suicide, are most likely to drop out of high school, and most likely do not have a on going relationship with the father of their child. Teenage dads also have a high drop out rate, also teenage dads under stress of new parenthood will end the relationship with the mother and indirectly effect their relationship with their child. You also need to think of the long term debt that was just placed on teen dad from the child support checks.

So what do I do when Speaker is laying out these grim statistics? Well with all honor and respect (snort) I lean over to Chris and give a wide toothy grin. "Hey we beat the statistics" and reach out my fist for a pound. Chris snickered with me and gave me a bump.

Not the greatest thing to do during a fiery sermon about sex while your teenage son is sitting next to you and right by his side is his girlfriend and her mom. Still mighty funny none the less.

Then right that evening God decided to pay me back for that slight moment of self gloating in His house. (See Big G, I do notice when you bring out that big bat, knock me on the head, and say "Listen up") When we got home and of no will of my own I asked Andrea if she had any questions about the sermon. Andrea instantly piped up and said "What is sex?".

My mommy radar instantly went off. I pretty sure the kid knows what sex is. For the past two years I have signed those sex ed forms and sent my innocent darling off to school to let the government do the dirty work for me. This kid just found a way to make momma talk and make sure she comes out smelling like roses. Dang! God and Andrea played me.

So not missing a beat I sat her down at the kitchen table with the BIOLOGY book. If Andrea wanted to play the game than dang it, momma is going to win. I discussed some basic anatomy, form and function and pregnancy. Just lightly touched on them just so sex could be explained. Poor girl she couldn't run away fast enough and Chris kept tip toeing around ringing his hands while his wife just crushed his baby girl's world.

I think we all came back from that evening with some slight scarring and a new mission for life. I am going to move heaven, hell, earth and that 500 lb man that waits for the city bus off of Cliffdale before I break Laney's little protective shell. Nope not going to do it. Can't make me.

I am so going to tell!

2011-02-08T15:02:00.003-05:00

It is rare to find both people in a marriage addicted to the same thing. Not only are Chris and I addicts we are addicted to a very embarrassing thing. Also our girls partake in this. As parents this may be the lowest we have ever been. Deep breath.

Chris and I are hooked on the Ipod/Ipad Smurfs application.

Take a breath and really let that sink in. We could be jonesing for fixes from a whole world of games, anything you name it, but we picked Smurfs. And you know what else; I hate it. I hate the little blue excessively chipper Lilliputians.

Papa Smurf nags and constantly has annoying little task to do. Smurfette is a hussy. She will pay me in gold coins and "experience points" for each Smurf she blows kisses to, and she gives me more for each Smurf she shows a little action to at one time. There is also Grouchy Smurf and I think the other Smurfs should search his mushroom house for any illegal prescription drugs, because Dude is seriously messed up. He even walks around with a storm cloud and lighting hanging over his head.

Now here is the real embarrassing part. Smurfs is just Farmvile dressed up in a blue body suit wearing tight little white pants with footies. Farmville. Crap! Why couldn't it be a killing zombies game or a midget wrestling safari? (Hey a midget wrestling safari sounds really good)

The Smurfs spend their day farming various vegetables. There is also some mini-games but they just make me want to claw my eyes out. The girls seemed to really enjoy the games when we first got it but now they are tired of me following them around begging them to play my Smurfs for me. So why play it if I hate it so much.

Because I am ahead of Chris. Plain and simple. I'm only ahead by a hair(snicker) and I will do what ever it takes to stay ahead. He doesn't make it easy. Chris is hot on my trail with his little blue bloodhounds. It is only a matter of time before he tells me I have been pwned with Smurfberries! Until then. I. Am. Ahead!

I am the winner! Now somebody check on mommy's brussel sprouts!

Coming Out

2011-02-07T10:40:00.002-05:00

I have been very absent from this blog because I'm lazy and a lot of the things that have been going on are just not appropriate to talk about. I know that these are subjects not to throw out mindlessly but I also feel like I am not allowing myself to just be myself. So here is a quick drive by dumping of various things just to let off a little pressure.

Since Robbie died our lives have had all kinds of upheaval in various places. I wish my family was closer emotionally and geographically. I was scared to death of those Drag Queens and so very ashamed of the things I witnessed. I am trying desperately to speak like a lady. (snort) My husband makes me my motor run (sometimes away). If he doesn't go back to college this summer I will brand my name on his buttocks. My caboose shrunk then re-grew. I am afraid of going back to college. I need to go back to the doctor. Our little family has become more self-centered and it's a good thing. I miss friends but some of them I could never be in a friendship with ever again. Greece! Depression. I love teaching my Wednesday night class. Holy costume party! Batman she is in puberty! I can't shot my new pistol because my eyes are so bad.

See a pile of odds and ends was just what I needed.

Driving the Bus

2011-01-20T10:43:00.002-05:00

So as a late birthday gift to myself, my body decided to get a stomach bug. Yup, I really know how to treat a girl.

Unfortunately because of feeling ill I had to cancel a lunch date with Laney today. We were suppose to partake in some sushi from the Ichiban in Hope Mills just to gross out her classmates. (Who knew Karma worked before you even get to act?) Laney was so excited and I had to call the school to ask them to relay the message to her for me.

My loving friend Beth answered the phone at the school and mildly scoffed at me for feeling ill. Loving my butt! She laughed. LAUGHED! I told her it was all those diseased children at her school and she laughed some more. Dang lady! I just need to you relay the message to Laney for me.

No when I drive the bus all I can think of is Bill Murray telling the groundhog to not drive angry. Screw you Bill.
I am going to main line some Gatorade.

Hungry Like a Wolf!

2011-01-17T12:00:00.004-05:00

CJ and I were having another one of our all mature and grown up conversations. "Mom I want a white tiger for a pet". I reminded him he would need a special animal license, that there is only like 100 white tigers left in the world and that I would probably shot it and make a rug for the living room. "I like tigers and that would be a really neat pet". (Translation: CJ wants it so he can use it to pick up chicks)

("You can date him. He has great personality. Tiger's Honor!")

Then I remembered the tiger story and CJ said I should write about it; so here ya go.

Once upon a time in a small country town called Shallotte in a swamp filled county called Brunswick. There lived some traveling circus gypsies that lived just up the dirt road from my parents house. (No lie they really were circus gypsies) The circus gypsies rented a home on the part of the road that come up to a modest hill. It was a big deal to muscle your way up that hill on your bike so you can soar back down again and pretend you are riding at a top notch, even possibly 30 mph, speed! (dude I was a kid and 30 mph seemed outrageously fast)

The circus gypsies had tigers............did you get that? I use to have tigers as next door neighbors. Top that, sucka! Anyway one day mom and I had some strange idea to take CJ (my one year old) to go see the tigers. Mom talked with the gypsies while I let CJ REACH THROUGH THE BARS AND PET THE TIGERS. Yup, teen motherhood at its' finest folks.

We got to watch the gypsies feed the tigers, ask all kinds of questions, and strolled back home. All in all it was a nice friendly visit and nobody got maimed. We felt sorry for the gypsies because the gypsy dad was sick. He became ill while they were traveling and the gypsy sons decided to rent a modest low cost home in the country and give dad a rest. Unfortunately when they stayed in one place they made little income. The gypsy sons did a few odd jobs here and there but they were barely surviving.

We learned during our visit that the gypsies spent an outrageous amount of money feeding the tigers. Dad said they would buy crazy amounts of chicken from the grocery store for the tigers, roughly 75 lbs worth at a time. (that or they threw neighborhood BBQs and we weren't invited) I can't remember just how many tigers they had; probably because I am seriously ashamed of myself for letting CJ touch one. Pools of shame people!

Also near our home was the Carter Trading Post. Chris's grandparents owned it and it was the go to place for hard to find hardware, farm supplies and it had a pipe yard. Grandma and Grandpa Carter lived in a trailer just past the store and they raised a few cows. They had a pretty large open field that could comfortably keep about ten cows. It wasn't a large herd but it was just right to take the occasional cow to slaughter and fill up the freezer. (I will have to say those were some really good steaks!)

One day one of the cows got out of the fence, she wondered out onto the busy road, and well met its demise while scaring the crap out of some poor soccer mom. After the woman regained her composure she went into the Trading Post and proceeded to tell Grandpa Carter about the cow. Grandpa Carter,the soccer mom and a highway patrol man went to go find the cow and to get it off the road so no one else could get hurt........... but it was gone.

In the cows place was a nice road smear and then a trail of blood. A large trail of blood that went from the accident sight, past the store, down my dirt road, just left of my house, and up the steep hill to the circus gypsies. Being the enterprising young men that they were they saw a free tiger meal and they jumped on it. When Grandpa Carter found the end of the blood trail he came upon the gypsies feverishly cutting the cow up and feeding their livelihood.

You know when you eat salad all the time with every meal and then one night you decided on steamed veggies instead those veggies become the best veggies you ever had; you know because you are all tired of salad and really those were mediocre veggies but because it was something different you were all "Dang! What awesome veggies!" especially because you made an herb garlic butter sauce for the veggies, yup, those tigers were like that all "Whoa fresh beef chopped up in the yard instead of half frozen chicken!" and you know them tigers were in hamburger heaven. RUNON SENTENCE FOR THE WIN! Umm anyway.......

Grandpa was pretty steamed. How dare those gypsies steal his cow and not offer some money for it! In front of the patrolman Grandpa proceeded to rant at the gypsies but the patrolman pointed out that what the gypsies did was not illegal and Grandpa was responsible for the damage of the woman's car. I don't know how long Grandpa scolded the gypsy sons but I do know they didn't pay him any money. They did not have money. I am also not sure just how Grandpa settled up with the soccer mom. I hope he didn't offer her steaks.

Not to long after that the gypsy dad went on a walk and disappeared for a few days. The sons did eventually find him but during his stroll he had a massive stroke and he forgot where he lived. Gypsy dad had a few more walkabouts and one day the gypsy sons got word dad was in Florida. They packed up their tigers and cruised on down to Florida.

Personally I think Grandpa was nuts to yell at the gypsies. I guess has never heard of a gypsy curse. Hello!? Also I guess I shouldn't feel too ashamed of myself for letting CJ pet the tigers. Dad reminded me that sometimes the gypsies let kids walk around in the tiger pen and ride the tigers! I guess that should also make me feel better for sending Andrea to beg the neighbors for booze. No? Oh well I tried.

So that's the tiger story. I hope to one day find the highway patrol man report because, Dang!, you know that has got to be a good read.

Once Upon a Time in TiVo Land!

2011-01-13T12:30:00.002-05:00

So Tuesday night when I was settling into a the season premier of Tosh.0 I noticed I missed a call on my cellphone. I checked the voice mail and it was Dad and again he was movie happy. A while back we were talking about the movie Desperado and what little I remember from it. Mostly what I do remember is that is were my crush of Danny Trejo started. ( I think his tattoo is hot!)

Can't believe I just said out loud but it is so freeing. I will not be not ashamed. I add Danny to my strange alter of celebrity crushes, right along Gordon Ramsey and Dolph Lundgren. One day I will have some of their discarded bubble gum and hair clippings from their barbers to truly make a stalker's secret alter to be PROUD of!

Anyway back to Dad. He was calling to let me know that Once Upon a Time in Mexico was about to come on AMC and that maybe I should DVR it. I also think he was gently probing my DirectTV channel list to see what other channels I could be missing.

I found the movie to be absolutely hilarious. I mean yeah lots of gore and gun battle scenes but man lots of little funny jokes plugged in here and there. It also cements that I need to see El Mariachi in the near future.

One thing about Once Upon a Time. I found the Mickey Rourke character that kept going around with a chihuahua very creepy. shudders

Kitten?

2011-01-08T19:09:00.004-05:00

So I am sitting on the couch enjoying a nice evening cup of DECAF coffee and dad calls my cellphone. "Hey do y'all get the G4 channel?" (Yup, I think the old man has lived in the south long enough. He is saying y'all)

The Way of the Dragon was on and dad wanted me to see the fight between Bruce Lee and Chuck Norris. "Yeah you can see Chuck Norris get his butt kicked. This is before Chuck Norris started shaving his chest." Dad sounds all kind of excited on the phone and Chris is flying through all the tv channels trying to find the G4 station.

And of course we don't have it!

How could we not have the G4 channel? That's a pretty neat channel and we don't have it. Oh well but I can't let go what dad said about a furry Chuck Norris. So I hop on the computer and cruise the YouTube to see what I can find and find I did.............................

Laney watched it with me and I told her that technically Bruce Lee is cooler than Jackie Chan. Laney says, "He is cooler because he defeats ever one". I of course just had to ask her why Bruce Lee was taking everyones feet. (She said de-feet) But she never really answered because she noticed THE KITTEN.

For some crazy reason the kitten gives a louder than normal kitten cry and that signals the fight to start. Also the kitten is sitting in a partially crumbled brick wall. Its perched on that wall watching the fight and it occasionally plays with a rock.

I just had to call dad and let him know that when Bruce Lee pulls a handful of Chuck Norris chest hair out and blows it off his fingers is beyond gross; and I just had to ask about that kitten. Why is there a kitten? Is it some how involved in this fight? Does it symbolize anything?

Dad had no answers he just wanted me to see the fight. Dang Bruce! What is with the kitten?

The day after Christmas Blizzard of 2010!

2010-12-27T20:33:00.008-05:00

So North Carolina with its sub-tropical climate got a rare showing of snow. We got 7 inches in our area and of course that meant some major playing was in order. Here in this photo I am wearing an insane amount of layers. I really don't own a heavy winter coat because I don't need one and I hate the feeling of the bulk around my arms. I know its weird but whatever. I also made the girls wear several layers and they have heavy weight winter jackets. They looked all fluffy but they were warm.

The view from the top of our driveway. That small tree in our yard is the Bubba Tree. It has shotgun shell Christmas lights and it just wouldn't be Christmas without it. Don't it look pretty in the snow?

This is THE snowball fight. CJ and I set up the empty lot next to our house with snow forts for an epic snow battle with some of the neighbors. Well it started out kinda like a snowball fight and ended with chaos.
Andrea was abandoned by all her team mates and she had to fight off the other team all alone.

Which is really sad since her team was made up of her, her siblings, and her best friend. CJ decided to slowly creep away. Laney was hiding in the trees and flat out refused to come out. Kayla was in her own world and made several snow angles while snowballs zoomed overhead. Shows who you can trust. Andrea kept battling on and only quit when she was forced to retreat several times over. Also by then the dads started pelting the kids with snowballs.

Here is Chris running away with several boys following him. He pegged some of them pretty hard and I was waiting for the other parents to say something but they seemed fine with it. After a while I decided my toes were way too cold and invited the other moms in for a cup of coffee. The kids came in also and ate their weight in sweets and then went out to play again.

That evening Chris and the kids decided to do a jigsaw puzzle and watch the marathon of NCIS. When it was time for bed all of us CRASHED. I also had some strange dreams about Chris dressed up as General George McArthur. What's up with that?

Christmas '10

2010-12-27T19:51:00.009-05:00

Ah! Christmas morning. It was a nice laid back Christmas.

All three kids got new coats because I CAN'T stand their old nasty dirty coats!

Laney got THE gift this year. She has been wanting a Dippin' Dots maker for ever. She also now has the power to make her older siblings beg for a bowl of Dippin' Dots. Personally I can't stand them but Chris and the kids love this stuff.

Andrea ripping open some packages. The only thing she asked for was a bedside table. It took forever to find one that matched her room and fit in the small space between her bed and the wall.

Me wearing the holiday appropriate hoochie shirt. Yup this is the stuff my kids will talk about to their future therapist.

Laney also received the hot toy of the year. Zoobles. Already I loath the little plastic creatures.

We also had the traditional gingerbread house competition with the neighbors. The dads and the girls decorate a gingerbread house and who ever makes the prettiest one is the winner. Oh and also the winner gets to take a hammer to the losers house. Yup, we are classy like that.

Merry Christmas

2010-12-25T12:52:00.001-05:00

Jesus Freak!

2010-12-10T08:34:00.003-05:00

Okay so I am a Christian. I'm just not the overly aggressive type. Everyone knows exactly what I'm talking about, you know that one, ya know............really you are going to make me say it! (You suck!)

The one that will badger you into heaven. Beat you with the whip of righteousness till you are forced to repent. Preach the great gospel so deep into your soul that they can read the mental grocery list you are working on right now. The great religious monkey here to herald just to you of your sinning ways and ride your back into the Great Heavenly Wave to GLORY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

There are you happy?

I'm not one of those. I've known several growing up and several more in my own personal walk with God. They have been the source of lots of giggles and laughs and a few anecdotes. I have pretty much resigned to myself that there is always one in the bunch somewhere. They are that crazy member of the family that you love anyway but have an instant physical reaction whenever they speak. Its either very funny in a 'lick the windows, ride a short bus' kind of way; or so offensive you want to run and hide. In the south we shake our heads and say, "Well isn't that nice. It's okay we still love them. God bless their souls".

Changing churches has exposed us to some new aggressive Christians but they are pretty harmless and the congregation is so big I don't have to do all kinds of strange people dodging aerobics when it is greeting time. What does that mean? So far my kids are in a protective bubble; thats what.

I don't want them having to deal with it because the hyper-aggressive Christian can be a dangerous thing to a child. They can give children a view of God that is damaging for them. I want my kids to define their own relationship with God but I do want them to know that God is not a great Santa in the sky, or mysterious great hand that will take them away at anytime or better yet a giant looming judge that they could never live up to.

The girls and I talk about what God means to mommy herself and sometimes I get a glimpse of what they think. So far from what I can tell they find God to be a source of love. CJ has come to the age where he gives the nice sounding churchie answers. I think it is more of a lets just answer whatever sounds good. I do it all the time. Its a knee jerk reaction because sometimes to say what you are truly feeling you just don't have a vocabulary for.

I try to keep in mind how I want my kids treated when I lead the lesson on Wednesday nights. I have had the amazing chance to teach to the AWANA middle schoolers and they are some seriously funny people. I will never tell those kids if I think they are saved or not saved. I will never push them to the point of personal righteousness to please an impossible standard.

So I am not one of those Christians. I will not tell you the prophecy that God revealed to me to tell you. I will not lay a hand on you and announce you healed. I will not try to raise the dead at a funeral. I will not subject myself to strange route prayers and scheduled fasting. Nope not that kind of Christian.

Epic Parenting Fail!

2010-10-26T08:50:00.003-05:00

Monday I drove CJ to work and as I pulled into the night club's parking lot (there is a night club next door to CJ's work and it is easier to park there than at the vet's office) I noticed a very small bird flopping in pile of dust and small gravel.

Me, "Oh is that bird hurt?"

Then we both notice a second bird underneath the first bird.

CJ, "No I think they are fighting".

I quickly told him that I loved him, to have a good day at work and drove off. I did not correct him, I couldn't. I just couldn't say it. I have no idea why. I have been able to talk to him about STDs, the proper way to put on a condom (with graphic hand gestures) and the "if you ever think you need to be tested for anything just let me know" talk.

I just couldn't say those two birds were DOING IT in the night club's parking lot in front of God and Country!!!

I think he knew. He isn't stupid. He knew what they were doing and he knew I couldn't say it. He just filled in the dead air for me and then walked off to clock in. In that moment he was the parent.

What. The. Crap! I'm the grown up! See? I have a license and monthly bills not you!

Dumb dirty birds in the techno pop bar's parking lot with exhibitionist issues just had to mess it all up.

I am going to play some Wii till I feel better.

Robots

2010-10-08T11:20:00.002-05:00

I have robots on the brain and maybe this will help them escape!

Girl and Robot from The Animation Workshop on Vimeo.

That is How We Roll Baby!

2010-10-03T19:32:00.002-05:00

Chris and I have kinda settled on a church for now. We just got tired of pulling the kids all over the city for a while. We settled on one that we knew the AWANA commanders and felt the most comfortable at. We are still praying for that church home and you never know where God will lead us. Till then we are visiting sunday school and have signed up for a four week small group bible study at one of the member's homes. On the way to that tonight I about peed my pants.

On the way to the study I needed to put gas in the van and of course the most convenient gas station on the way was Walmart. Walmart the place where your dreams and nightmares can come true and sometimes you can save a buck!

Of course all the pumps were busy so I had to pull in behind another van and wait my turn. That van finishes, I pull up and a small red car begins to pull up from the opposite direction. I did not see the car before and I am pretty confident it was not there before I got inline. Plus I had already sent CJ with the cash to the teller to set up the pump. The gentlemen in the car pulled his car's nose closer to mine and started to yell at me. To him I had taken his place and was very rude about that. He demanded I pull back out and let him continue. This is when the fear started to rise.

Its was one of those moments that I knew this was about to go south. Sometimes you just know something bad is about to happen and my mind was screaming "Danger Will Robinson". (You know normal people would not hear the robot in their minds from Lost In Space) I apologized to him and said I would back out but my son already paid the teller to activate the pump. He continued to fuss, quickly pulled his little car into another stall and began to walk past me to the teller. He was cussing and fussing the whole time and then the CJ came around.

CJ had not returned from the teller's area yet. I'm sure he was looking at the soda cases or something and I guess he heard the ruckus and realized that it was aimed at his momma. He came around and did that look. Its that look that my dad, me, and my siblings have. It can make small children cry. Now this guy was a thug and some boney blonde teenage boy stared him down. (talk about offensive to a street thug)

The gentlemen stopped went back to his car, never did put gas in it and waited for me to finish and drive off. He pulled out behind us and followed us for a bit. He was hot and he was following us!!!!! He didn't know I had wonder van (his name is Gilbert) and I gunned that thing for all its worth and he lost me in traffic. Dear Lord I love my van!

Scared the pants off of me but I'm so proud of my boy, we did make it to the member's home, and bible study was AMAZING. I have never been in a study like that before and to get to enjoy it with Chris and the kids was the best ever.

I'm pretty proud of my boy and I keep seeing his little chubby face from toddler hood saying, "Don't mess with my momma!".

Nut Up With Nicole. Today's lesson: don't be stupid.

2010-10-01T09:32:00.000-05:00

Fayetteville and crime. Let's admit this city is an interesting place with awesome opportunities, but in the crime department it needs some serious improvement. What surprises me most is how active criminals can be in this town. This city is home to a military base and the geographical dead center of a serious redneck state. Don't worry about the cops you need to worry about what some of these women can do to you.

Most military wives I know have some basic weapons training because either they are/were in the military or their husbands trained them. Good deal of them have a pistol in their cars or homes at all times. You add in a home grown North Carolina woman and you have a good chance she was raised to shoot and clean guns. (I know not all were) So why in hell would you car jack someone here?

Crime statistics in this area show a SLIGHT decrease over all. We did have a big rise in burglary. We also have a major problem with rapes. There were several rapes back in February and they were brutal. The authorities did catch and charge an individual but it is believed he only participated a few of them. There is still a rapist out there.

Mostly what it boils down to is people are not staying vigilant. I do expect to hear more stories in the news such as, "burglar shot during home invasion", "car jacker ran over", "rapist had his wing wang cut off". SOMETHING!

Instead I hear how some of my friends are scared to go to the store because there was a car jacking. I hear how some don't want to stay home alone while their husbands are deployed because there has been ANOTHER rape in the area. I hear that another family is shaken because there was a break in to their home. It makes me angry and sad.

Not to bash the Fayetteville City Police Department. I knew a few of their officers and detectives and they are awesome people. But just like every government agency it is not perfect and has room for improvement.

What it boils down to is that you the citizen is the first line of defense. Good commons sense is the greatest tool you have to keep you and your children safe. So let me get on my soap box and list some for you! (Admit it you like me giving you heaps of unsolicited advice because you are some kind of freak!)

Always lock your car. (Yup I'm looking at you Shana!) Always roll up your windows and lock your car. Never leave valuables out in the open. I am the biggest hypocrite on that one. I always leave the GPS out, you will see a couple of dollar bills on the center console and I always have an iPod plugged into the radio. After seeing someone in the store parking lot looking into my van's windows I realized I need to change that. If I had not come to my vehicle when I did my car could of been broken into. Also never leave your car running. It doesn't matter why you might do it just don't. You just left a giant candy bar out in front of a starving fat kid. Of course he will take it! Plus it waste gas. Most newer model cars can handle you shutting it off and starting it back up a few minutes later.

Get a home security system. (Dawn if you don't do that soon I am going to ring your neck) Our home already had one installed and it cost $200 to activate it for the year. Yup its a luxury but it brought a lot of peace of mind to Chris and I. I can now sleep. I use to barely sleep and always keep a listen out for any mysterious noises and would get up in the middle of the night several times checking the windows. I can hear when the kids open the door because the little alarm beeps. I set the alarm during the day when I am home alone because most home invasions are during the day. Most people are at work or school and if you stay home with your kids I am sure you home seems empty during nap times. A burglar can hit the house next door and think he saw a window of opportunity at yours. An alarm can send them packing.

Keep your guard up while in public. (Lynn the next time I hear about some guy waving a gun at you I am going to beat you myself) You have this great thing called a mind and it will tell you if something just isn't right. Walkaway, get to a safe place and call the cops. Always park in a place that others can see you and your vehicle easily. Make it a point to talk with employees of the business you attend. When leaving the dentist chit chat with the secretaries. They will remember you and are more likely to watch you go out the door and out to your car. If something happens along the way they witnessed it and can call 911.

I am the door greeter's best friend when I leave Walmart. Mostly because I am happy to be leaving that dang place but also they can stop traffic for you if your cart is ridiculously full. They may even walk with you to your car. That is awesome thing if you have small kids latched on to you. But most of all they may watch you go to your car and keep on eye on you while you are in the parking lot.

One of the best things you can do is get to know the programs your local police department has to offer its citizens. There are programs such has police patrolling your home while your are out of town, home security presentations for your neighborhood (you don't even need a community watch for that), and also programs that increase patrols and neighborhood awareness to keep drugs and criminals out of your neighborhoods. (Fayetteville City police have a great website)

Also if anything seems off or makes you feel uncomfortable call 911. That should be your immediate reaction to everything. Never worry about being a bother to the police. It is their job and they are happy to do it. As a matter of fact if you have a men in uniform fetish like I do it is a win win all the way around.

I am tired of hearing of friends that are afraid or concerned of what could possible happen to them. Mostly because I am worried that one day I will find out a friend was a victim. Self defense is not fighting back it is doing what it takes to not be a victim of violence. With the right and smart choice you can defend yourself by preventing crime to happen to you and yours. That is the best self defense ever.

My brain is magnificent and scary at the same time.

2010-09-30T10:15:00.001-05:00

Who is the bald guy? Ghandi?

I was told on Facebook that my craziness is like a drop of brilliance in a sea of chaos. If only they really knew. (and dude I have so got to kick the Facebook it makes a demented person even more demented)

So I haven't written in a while because I have been on a mental hiatus for over a month. This is the first time I have ever been able to stay at home by myself..........and my thoughts. So after a month of self wallowing and playing endless hours of The Creeps I have decided to pull my head back out of my butt. (also I need to stop cussing so much because Chris wants to know why there are so many sailors hanging in his house)

Plus come January I need to get a job. Yup haven't had one since before Andrea was born; so I have NNNNOOOOOOOO job skills. That will most certainly lead to me going back to college. I have decided on what classes I want but I have no idea how to pay for it. I will deal with that hurdle when it comes, no use in stressing about it now. That also means I have till January to get my house in order.

Yeah did you just hear a crazy laugh in the distance? I know I did.

This house wouldn't know order and organization if it laid a trap baited with Spam and mac-n-cheese, locked us away in a dark cellar and made us lotion ourselves while its little dog stares at us. Nope we would just think it was some crazy man. The point is we wouldn't recognize it.

To bad I can't hire a personal assistant to keep me organize and pay her in gum! I do know some backwoods rednecks I can hire for booze but really thats just not a very reliable employee. Now is it?

So I have to organize myself. (There is that laugh again) For now lets start small. Everyday I am to do about an hour or so of writing. It will either be this blog, my Robbie journal or a personal project of mine.

Also my weight has stopped its nice gradual decent with no effort; so now I have to do that damnable exercise. So I will be walking on the treadmill 30 mins a day three days a week. (that laugh is getting annoying)

I also will be doing some job hunting. I need something that fits into the kids schedule. I still want to enjoy being home with them and that leaves the only time I can work is when they are in school. The chances of me finding a job like that is insanely small but I will try.

Lets recap. I am to organize my home and family. I am to do some more writing, and exercise. (I gagged a little but its okay. I didn't fully throw up) I am to look for a job with no job skills. (Ok so I threw up a little)

Growing up is annoying. (That is it you old bag! You laugh again and I will take away your Skittles)

Can you tell the difference?

2010-09-04T10:49:00.004-05:00

Sometimes Chris just gets a little too Photoshop crazy. If you look at the top one my chin comes to a point and my head looks too little for my body. Oh well. At least I have only two eyes and no horns.

Seriously!

2010-08-12T11:33:00.003-05:00

Chris talking to Andrea, "Those shorts are too short".

Andrea's response, "No, the shirt is too long!".

So now Chris and I cry and rock ourselves to sleep at night.

Church Shopping

2010-08-09T11:23:00.002-05:00

So we are visiting various churches in our area and well churches are like people they each have their own personality and style. Some are very nice and others just make you want to run away.

There is the very contemporary church that I really do find worship very enjoyable but the people seem aloof. We have been several times and only the people we already know, acknowledge our presence. Grant it, it is very selfish of me to expect you to recognize me; so I can't slight them too much for that. Our friend Teresea pointed out that she didn't wait on the church people to reach out to her. She jumped right into Sunday School and got to know people. The contemporary church also has amazing child security.

There is the very large church with two different style services schedule every Sunday. We have visited only the contemporary worship service and the kids seem to enjoy it but the sanctuary smells very moldy. I just can't help but to worry about the kids being in that. No matter how much I enjoy the singing and listening to their amazing preacher that little idea just keeps wiggling into my brain. "Just how much mold is in the pew padding right now! EEEKKKK!" I know superficial, but I just can't make it stop. Also this one guy I know attends there and he just creeps me out. I can't explain why but he makes me very leery of him and I want to run when he comes near me. They also have an amazing youth group and great AWANA teachers.

There is also the country church. I did not know that country music worship time existed and I will have to admit I do not like country music. There is no real reason why I don't like country music but it just makes me want to come out of my skin. (I also can't handle rap music, blue grass and mariachi music.) So we come into the church with high expectations and the wall of heavy twangy country music starts to fill the air and I try to keep myself from clawing my eyes out. This church also had the worst child security EVER! I could have kidnapped a whole gaggle of youngins and they wouldn't of batted an eye!

There are a few extremely large churches in Fayetteville that well Chris and I just don't feel like wasting time on. They are so big you can just become lost there a little too easily. We want to go to a place that is like a family. We want an AWANA program, a place that will love us and our kids, and a place that will mentor us and give us time to heal. We need a church that will lead us to a place that will strengthen our faith, our marriage and our family. (Dear God today I would like all that and a pony!)

So okay I admit it I am not visiting churches with the right attitude. I need to be open and only hear what God wants to tell me because it isn't Chris and I who decided which church we will call home but God. So while I was in the country church I was reminded that we need to let God decided. Because the place He wants us in will not be perfect, it could have bad music and a few gossipy issues but it will be the place He decides on.

So for now we are still looking and who knows what we will find.

What a summer day should be!

2010-08-03T11:12:00.003-05:00

So today the girls and I decided to spend a summer day the right way! I wish it was like that but in reality the girls have that 'summer is boring' thing going on and I have cabin fever so today we just goofed around.

We went to Lake Rim park, had a picnic, walked the trail and played on the playground for a little while. We played until I felt like I had sweated enough. When the young mother and her baby avoid you because you are drenched in sweat then it just may be time to leave the park. Just saying.

We then went home and went swimming at the neighbors pool. I kinda like sneaking onto the policeman's property, using his pool without permission and sending him photos of us swimming. One day he may get mad and serve me for tresspassing but till then we SPLASH IT UP! Plus just to really be a nuisance we stole his German shepherd and brought him home for a bit. That poor dog. He loves playing with the girls and it was hot outside. What was I suppose to do? Don't worry we put a pretty bow on his collar and sent him back home!

The girls did some quick chores and we headed off to the movie theater to watch Despicable Me. I love that movie theater! It has leather rocking chairs, I can smuggle in candy and bottled water to my hearts content, and CJ's new girlfriend AppleGate works there. Nothing better than to embarrass her just before you lounge in a big comfy seat and zone out to a giant screen!

Movie was over and we were surprised to find that Chris came home early! Woot! We had an excellent dinner of baked spaghetti and then watched some Warehouse 13!

Yup, an awesome day!

Those parents and those kids.

2010-07-31T13:09:00.006-05:00

So in all things that include several children and parents you run into those people. You know like how every family has at least that one Jerry Springer family member that you honestly wish you were never related to. You love them anyway but you just avoid them like the plague.

In this case those people are parents that are selfish. Selfish parents come in two categories. Those that ignore their kids and just want to keep them out of their hair and those that use their kids for personal gain. I got to see both and in all their crazy glory! Glory I tell you, glory!

First the parent that does not want to be bothered by their children. They ship them off into any camp, program, and church ministry they can just to get some additional babysitting. They give the kid the bare essentials and boot them out of the car door before coming to a full stop. "Honey here is your lunch, a 5 lb bag of candy and some beef jerky from the gas station! Have a great day I will be pick you up later" and they burn rubber when they gun it out of the parking lot. You think I am exaggerating don't you. Honestly one of the kids had candy and jerky from the gas station for lunch. Mom told her to drink from the water fountain!
There is also the selfish for personal gain parent. The "I force my child into something like this so I can show off" is just a vicious person and in my book should always be avoided. That is the kind of parent that will do whatever, pay whatever, and hurt whoever just so they can have something to boast about. One of the parents bought two expensive gowns to make sure her daughter had the best looking dress for her solo! Grant it they were pretty but really what did you honestly gain by spending over two hundred dollars for your child to wear for a three minute song? Luckily there was only one of these parents to deal with or I would of snapped! Anyone have an extra scope and a tower handy kind of snapped.
The worst was the kid that I think is honestly a psychopath. I know that sounds really harsh but this 9 yr old kid stole clothes from other children, wore a pair of black stolen heels and stomped on the other kids, stole their lunches, made others cry, and she knew that she would get in trouble. She knew that one of the other kids were going to beat her up and she did it anyway. She knew the Director was going to get on her case and blatantly disobeyed. Showed no concern when others were injured. Of course it took everything in my being not to deal with that kid myself. I made sure she stayed away from my little group of girls and that was it. Ultimately she was just too hard of a case for me to even consider dealing with.
So if it was that much trouble putting my kids in this show why did I ever do it? Because this is my girls one extracurricular thing. They have no interest in sports. We tried dance lessons but the teacher was very unreliable. The only other thing they do is AWANA and that wasn't their choice it was mine and Chris's choice. This show is the little league games, tournaments, and award ceremony all wrapped up in two weeks. Not a bad trade and they love it. They are in perfect heaven for two weeks and I would gladly torture myself each summer to make sure they get to have that.

So stinking proud!

2010-07-31T12:38:00.007-05:00

So the girls were in a musical this past Thursday. It took two weeks of rehearsals, several shopping trips to get their costumes set, and lots of personal time memorizing their songs. I am very proud of them because any practice done outside of regular rehearsal they did on their own.

They amazed me! Yup the show was fantastic but it was watching them work and happily work to do a good job that just made me so thankful for my great girls!
They would come home exhausted. I didn't make them do chores or clean their rooms because I knew they were spent. I would tell them as soon as we came home to have a snack and go take a nap. They would go to their rooms, listen to music and read over the lyrics.
I am still amazingly shocked over this behavior. I wanted them to listen in practice. I wanted them to be responsible with the songs they were given but they just went above that.
In the end I got to see the best part of this whole thing. They had a good time, they did a great job and they knew it!
Now time to pack up their costumes to save for next year and to REST!!

Gary's Mattress Commercial

2010-07-16T10:36:00.000-05:00

Wow! Growing up in the South has given me the chance to see several different types of people. Grant it you do get to see some pretty racist stuff but that is so far and few between. With that in mind I absolutely love raising the kids in Fayetteville. They still get the southern experience but with a more international flare. They can eat fried catfish at a home cooking restaurant with their Korean friends and talk about German culture. It is all perfectly normal and encouraged by everyone. They can eat sushi at the Italian neighbors house while watching the World Cup. Very southern because it all evolves around food!!!

Of course they get to see international racism on a southern level. Andrea pointed out that Koreans don't like Spanish people! I was to stunned to comment and just gave her a disapproving look that seemed to silence her for now. What did she say?

"Koreans don't like Spanish people because they eat too much at the buffet and put too many people in their cars."

OMG! OMG! OMG! So stereotypical and its at my house! Why didn't she say the Koreans only complained while painting white people's nails? I mean if you are going to go you might as well go all the way.

The Death Corner!

2010-07-16T09:36:00.002-05:00

Yeah so I have a death corner. It was not originally a death corner but at some time I guess something bad happened and it became cursed. Maybe I should call it the cursed corner; nope death corner works. DEATH CORNER!!

What is the death corner you ask; well it is were good plants go to die. Perfectly innocent healthy beautiful houseplants. They start out with such spunk and zest for life. Big lovely dreams in a dark ugly world. Luscious green leaves with a promise of clean air for you dwelling choked out like Lesnar on Carwin.

I try my best to keep them going with weekly waterings and the occasional plant food spike. I research my plant care and follow it to the letter but well the death corner just always wins. So today an epiphany (yeah it kinda hurt); I will empty out my beautiful red planter and fill it with either a rock garden or better yet a never dying silk plant.

I will sit back on my couch, glance at the death corner, and know that I had defeated it. I will take away its power and it will never kill again!

Yup, I got way too much time on my hands.

Health Update!!!!

2010-07-14T08:32:00.002-05:00

Don't I sound like some kind of old fart living up on Ensure and Geritol? I travel with a pill organizer, special tea and a monstrously large water bottle. Yup having a stroke and learning to live 'healthy' (not sanely just healthy) can really propel you into a jet set life style. I tell you what!

I now own a blood pressure monitor and a pill cutter. I measure my food, run on the tread mill (only to set my thighs on fire) and down enough drinks to make a camel blush. Did I mention the 'special tea'. Nothing amazing just everyday, EVERY DAMN DAY, I drink a half a galloon of green tea. Mostly because I do like the Lipton mixed berry green tea and I have to drink insane amounts of water so why not make part of it something I like to drink. Also the doctor is still trying to get my thyroid medicine just right. So every eight weeks a $50 blood test.

Yeah so I cried a little and vomited a little when I just reread those first couple of paragraphs. I am freaking 33 years old and I have a pill cutter. Not like "Bra, I have a pill cutter', but more like Jerry Lewis voice, "I have a bluuueee pill cutter".

WHATEVER! I am alive.

Seriously my blood pressure is down, I have awesome blood cholesterol levels, most medical bills are caught up, and I have lost 15 pounds. Not bad really.

Not bad at all. I do have to keep myself on a schedule because otherwise I just won't remember to take medicine or keep track of how much water I have had today. The only real major diet change is no processed foods, no adding extra salt, a galloon of water a day and five half cup servings of vegetables a day. If it was more technical and extreme than that I would so crash and burn.

Did I mention a galloon a day. I have to drink a bare minimum of 2 liters a day so my blood pressure medicine/water pill doesn't jack up my kidneys. The extra 2 liters is to flush any other extra salt I may have unwittingly ingested that day. Sometimes food can be a sneaky thing and hide extra salt and sugar where you just did not expect it. So now I can truly pee like a race horse and I pee often. Pregnant women and dogs marking territory have absolutely nothing on me.

But yesterday it truly hit me that I really have lost weight. You see I would try to lose weight but I just never could. I embraced the big girl that is me and had a good time with it. I have seen the doctor's office scale and did register that some weight has been lost; you know, okay, whatever. I have other things to do besides mooning over that dang scale. But yesterday........

I went to Walmart with the kids and I had to slip my hand into my pocket and grab the waist of my underwear because apparently they have gotten to big for me and somehow they decided while I was walking that right there was the time to just fall off of my butt!!! My skivvies decided to give up trying to hold on and just slide down. I went to the bathroom and pulled them up and thought it was just a fluke thing. Nope later in the dairy aisle the same thing happened. So I had to finish shopping with me secretly holding them up. I had to fight the urge to walk with a gangster swagger, because I am fly like that.

Dang she be struttin in the Walmart and the discounts be a rollin.

Seriously? Hip Mr. Grandpa?

2010-06-30T06:42:00.002-05:00

So over the phone my sister in law Jennifer, told me that my dad wore a pink flamingo silly band for a WHOLE weekend. Of course I kept going, "Really? No way!". Because we have mature conversations like that; but the best was informing the girls of such news.

Now Andrea and Laney have been caught worshipping at the altar of Silly Bands. I have not bought them a single pack yet but those cursed things are all over my house! The have shown up in my bathroom sink, they have clogged my vacuum cleaner, and they have been mulched into the lawn with the lawn mower. My home is infested with them and the girls think they are so amazing. What kind of LCD do they put on those things?

I told the girls. "Hey! Richard gave Mr. Grandpa a pink flamingo Silly Band, and he wore it for two days!". Andrea, "Really? I am going to give him.................". I honestly have no idea what she said after that because my eyes kinda glazed over and I went into my happy place. Laney, "Mr. Grandpa is cool like that".

Now that I did hear. My dad has been deemed, "Cool like that", from Laney herself.

Watch out dad. The girls will be coming to see you this weekend and they have plans that involve you and those damn Silly Bands. When they are done you will be more than, "Cool like that"!

I Come From a Broken Home.

2010-06-27T12:33:00.002-05:00

At first I was dead set against writing this. Persistent phone calls and the constant sequence of events running a muck in my mind just keep torturing me. Ultimately it came down to just really why do I write on this blog anyway. This blog is for my kids. One day they could face this hurdle too and they could look back and see how Chris and I dealt with it. Are these the best decisions to make? Time will tell.  This blog has stories about potty training, small scale vandalism, birthday parties, and first dates. I cobbled together a collection of our own personal family mayhem to give as parental advice down the road. Lazy? Shallow? Maybe but hey, it is what it is. Today's choice, how to deal when a place of refuge, friendships, and love could cause you pain and grief. Church.

 First off I need to point something out. Personally I believe the chances of you being in a church and having personal conflict is a rare thing. I am not saying they don't happen, I just don't hear much from people of their personal church conflict and more of the grapevine version of what they heard happened to some other person at some other church. During the 14 yrs we have been in our church there has been some minor annoyances but not until now did something major happen.

 Most of the time the root of church conflict comes down to a simple thing; words. Something he/she wrote, spoke, read, interpreted hurt someone else's feelings. Church is a cluster of people with shared beliefs. These people come together to share ideas, faith, and to enjoy the company of a person with a shared interest in various kinds of work(ministries). If you can be a grown up in this cluster of people and take words without offense and be quick to apologize for your own words, than you are doing good. But, alas, people are people and they make mistakes and then these people blow that mistake up to kingdom come and use the shrapnel to gouge out hearts.  Anyone who has ever attended a church and are true active involved members will agree that most of the time it comes down to the words. There are the cases when people use the church as a cover to carry on affairs, embezzle money, and other juicy gossipy tidbits.

For our church and to me, this conflict started a little over 3 yrs ago over how a ministry was handled.  A group of people who were good friends. They use to go on out of town trips together, worked out in the gym together, and ran a few church ministries together. They up and ended a great friendship over a few misspoken words and hurt feelings. They became heated and frustrated with each other. Lines were drawn and sides were taken. I think there was some other pressures that came in and helped to guide the wedge but ultimately the decision to become opposing forces was up to them.

 Then the spring of last year they took their spat and knocked it up a notch. They were in the same sunday school class and one side said the other did not fully support the pastor and the other side just pointed out that from time to time you should question your leadership. Both had reasonable points but they did not share them with a reasonable attitude.

 For some reason the body and leadership of our church let these guys act like children. We the body just gossiped about old people being hard headed; I know I did. The leadership held their council meetings and discussed dusty old bylaws till they were blue in the face and chose to ignore a minor split inside the church. What could ever come of such a thing? An unspoken decision was made for everyone to turn a blind eye. How could we do that? If we truly cared about them at all some kind of effort would have been made to bring that group back together.

 This past spring for personal reasons Chris quit as interim choir director (interim for 8 yrs). Our family had lost a son, I had a stroke and Chris took time to examine his place in our family. He saw that work had taken too much time from his family and that church was more like work instead of worship to his Lord. Some other things came along that helped push Chris to his decision and I am beyond thankful that they came. Yup, it was painful and sad but our family needs to refocus itself.  Also this spring our pastor gave his resignation to our church. The last Sunday in June was to be his last Sunday. The pastor was thinking very similarly to Chris. His family had some tough times and it was hard to not be there for them. He was a state away and felt a pull to be with his grandkids. He had served at our church for 11 yrs and had gained five grandkids in that time. To retire and spend time at dance recitals and ball games is just to good to pass up. He also had the feeling of leaving things unfinished and in limbo. 

So change came to our little church and we already have one sticky wicket lingering from three years ago, and a split Sunday school class. Some small wounds fester and turn into cesspools of ick and this was no different. Of course in all things, no one likes change. All in all it was a long brewed recipe for disaster.

This past Sunday the church had a business meeting to decide if the preacher should stay for three more months and then faze him out. Majority of the body chose to keep him for a little bit longer. I am not sure what the pastor's decision will be, because it has not been told to the church yet. I am sure he is weighing things and praying over others.

 At the end of our meeting a member from the "you don't support the pastor" got into a physical confrontation with a member from the "you should ask the leadership questions group" and that brief moment of violence was around all three of my kids. (Hey guys, you know that ongoing argument you have been having over the pastor is now a mute point. Right?) 

You have to understand. I have one major fear I have been dealing with this year. It is the fear that another accident could befall another one of my kids. I have to know where they are at all times. They do not do other things without me there. I trust my girls to spend the night at only a few other homes. I don't let them go anywhere alone. I watch them from the front door when they walk across the street to see the neighbors. CJ can't go on dates with his new girlfriend without giving me exact times. He also has to call or text me during his dates. Talk about your mom messing up your dating mojo.  Overprotective? You have no idea. I have constant nightmares about their safety. I check their rooms at night. I activated our alarm system, and checked the prices of GPS bracelets.

So when this fight broke out and my girls were near it and CJ and I broke it up; I about lost it. When the ruckus was done, I think I suffered my first panic attack in the church parking lot. I couldn't breathe. I had chest pain, and I was bawling like a baby. During all this not another soul helped. No one pulled my girls to safety. No one helped my son when he became between two grown men about to pound each other and while I walked about in the parking lot in a hundred degree weather unable to breathe and weeping not a person checked on me.

But plenty of people watched with shock and some with sick glee while all this went down. Several cars drove past me while my heart tried to leap out of my chest and run around the parking log. Because adults were allowed to fight like children for years in one heated moment that big fear of mine was almost realized. In that moment someone's life will now become amazingly hard. In that moment my last place that I allow my children to have as much freedom as I can give them has been torn away from us.

 So what do we do now? Good question because I have no freaking idea. Maybe the deacons and the new governing body of our church should call a special meeting. A special meeting where the people can come together and deal with these old hurts. Foolish things need to be let go and forgiveness needs to be passed around in seriously large portions. Until a true effort of reconciliation is made, and people stop ignoring problems and deal with them the right way; me and my children will not be going back there. If something so small and petty was allowed to turn into a dangerous situation who is to say that such an outburst won't happen again.  Once that line is crossed it is next to impossible to go back over it, and my children will not be subject to such a thing again if I can help it.

 So my children, when strife comes to you and your family in your chosen church, I hope you will know this. Your dad and I committed ourselves to that church. We treated it like our marriage. We may have disagreements, we may accidentally have hurt those we love, but we did our best to try to make things right and to help others. We did not always succeed because we are human. We found a church we loved. The only church you kids have known. The church your little brother ran free and happily in and we did not give up on it easily. I your mother made this decision for you. I joined for you. I learned in that place how to enjoy being a creature of God. I left for you and somewhere out there is a new place for us.

I am such a Genius my name should be Solomon!

2010-06-26T20:51:00.002-05:00

So I decided to head up VBS at church this year. Really someone said they would do it with me and then thrusted me into the "its all on you role" but they were there to wipe the tears off my face and kick me in the pants when ever I needed it. Adita and Will you have been wonderful!

It was crazy insane but so is everything that involves me. I learned that sometimes adults just can't be adults. They may be labeled adults but really truly when that moment of truth comes the child/hellraiser/highschooldramahog just comes right out. I also learned that when a toilet over flows and you need to turn the shut off valve and that sneaky little valve can be very well camouflaged. Plus running in circles in a boys bathroom while water drips down the floor and onto the ceiling and walls below does not make a mystical magical fairy appear and wave its wand to stop the water.

I also learned that when the fire trucks come to respond to that accidentally pulled fire alarm you should not be hugging and rubbing yourself against the fireman. Especially if they just came from a house fire. Because the smell of smoke, burnt plastic, and Lord knows what else gets all over you and you have to wash you clothes twice to get the stench out. Neither should you tell your preacher that it could of been a fleshy dream come true but it did not end liked you hope. Nope, because then your preacher will just be very displeased with you!!!!!

Another big lesson that I learned. It is a big deal for people to come to church everyday for a week after having a long day at work and be expected to entertain a group of children. A. Very. Big. Deal. I just can't thank the VBS teachers and helpers enough.

The most important thing was watching all those kids have a great time at church. No strict rules, old boring music, and itchy hot Sunday clothes. For just one week church is completely centered on those kids ENJOYING church. See that it is not a place of "just be good" and instead a place of "just enjoy being here". How refreshing to see kids and adults just enjoying being there.

That is how church and the time you spend with God should be. No matter how or where you do it you have got to enjoy. Or it is a useless act. Like a screen door on a submarine. Why even pretend to grace a church with your presence if you aren't going to enjoy being there? You do nothing for yourself, you do nothing for others and I'm and pretty sure God ain't too thrilled about it either.

So the week is over. My house can now become a little cleaner, I can finally cook dinner, and my kids and I will have a decent bedtime. I will probably have that torturous Tumbleweed song in my head for weeks!! On top of all that I am going to miss it!

I don't want strict be good rules at church. I want music that people feel and love. I want to wear comfortable clothes and have less of a dog and pony show once a week. Don't get me wrong you should treat God's house and God's day with the greatest respect. And any music sung with a loving spirt is wonderful. But you shouldn't do it in a way that just crushes the spirit right out of you.

So if I show up with my hair in pigtails, jean shorts, and my amazing "Woman Who Swallowed a Fly" T-shirt just don't complain or I will call my new best friend the fireman to deal with you!

The Road Kill Comment

2010-06-22T12:56:00.003-05:00

Not too long ago I made a comment that you can eat your roadkill in the South. A couple of people asked about that in church ( "Good morning! Glad to see you; whats up with you eating roadkill). Dang church going Southerners; nothing is off limits. You could at least ask me later in the parking lot. Gaw!!

So here is one of the roadkill stories. When Chris and I first married we already had a two year old boy, moved from Ocean Isle Beach all the way to Asheboro, had no money, and I did not have my license. Every once in a while Chris's dad, Gene, would come pick up CJ and I and drive us all the way back to Ocean Isle Beach so we could visit with family. We would strap CJ's car seat into the truck and take off.

Riding anywhere with Gene is always an adventure. If Gene looked left than he turned left; if he looked right than he turned right. He also drives on backroads that hardly anyone else knows exist. Talk about the pavement time and the DOT have forgot. He would gradually weave out of his lane into the next lane and would always wait till the last minute to apply his brakes. How this man has gone without a car accident this long just bewilders me. It is NOT possible. He should of hit something by now.................and in Bladenboro one day he did.

Just after passing by Tar Heel NC acheerful, graceful deer decided to go all kamikaze and run right out in front of the truck. I will admit now and never again, I did kinda wet myself. Gene saw the chance of an easy hunting trophy and lined up the right front corner of the truck. That way when it hit the majority of the damage would be to the light! Did you get that he aimed the truck with me and toddler in it!!!!

The deer did some kind of crazy looking flip in the air and landed in the ditch with a resounding thud. Then things got really strange............

Gene pulled a loaded rifle from behind the seat, told me to get out, and said "If it moves shoot it". Oh. My. Gosh! Really?! You mean its not dead? You want me to finish it off? You had a loaded rifle in the car?

Gene climbed down into the ditch because in that part of North Caroline you do not have a ditch on the side of the road, no. You have a canal lining the sides of the road. You could sink a whole car in those suckers. People go fishing in them, and little kids build elaborate stick dams. Gene then proceeds to nudge the deer and then outright just kicks it to see if it is alive. I am standing like a good soldier with the gun aimed and ready to fire if the demon critter moves. I just knew if it lived after being mowed over by an over zealous redneck than that was one deadly deer and I was not taking any chances.

Alas the deer did not survive its traumatic ordeal and I thought we were done. Foolish, foolish girl. Gene comes back out of the ditch, puts the gun away, and then informs me that I need to help him put the deer in the back of the truck.

"Excuse me. What did you say? We are going to put that in the truck. Why?"

At this time Gene realizes his son did not marry the right kind of girl so very slowly so it will make it past the stupid he tells me, "So we can take it home and clean it". By the time I came to terms with the idea Gene has already drug the tangle mass of deer out of the ditch and is waiting for me to help him lift it into the truck.

Now it was difficult to toss it up because three of its legs were broken and it was awkward swinging it when the legs wanted to bend in the wrong direction. They also made a crunching sound and that was just wrong for so many reasons,.....................just so many reasons.

We got back in the truck and proceeded to drive home. I did not say a word. What would I say anyway. There was roadkill in the back, he wants to clean it and maybe just maybe it will be served for dinner tonight. How do I find a way to not eat it? How do I keep CJ from eating it and not offend Chris's parents? I repeat I picked up roadkill and put it in the truck. I went through a small truckload of baby wipes trying to cleanse the roadkill stain off of my hands.

Finally Gene mercifully broke the silence. "At least I only broke my headlight!"

Busy, Busy, Busy,

2010-06-10T11:24:00.003-05:00

Busy, busy, busy busy, busy,busy, busy,busy, busy,busy, busy,busy, busy,busy, busy,busy, busy, busy, busy,busy, busy,busy, busy,busy, busy,busy, busy,busy, busy,busy, busy,busy, busy, ..............................................................

Yeah you get the picture. So looking forward to some wind down time on this carrousel. That should happen in July ...............or when I die.

One big positive. I finally cut those giant trees on my porch back. Now they look like tress hooked on meth but at least they don't look like they are going to swallow up my porch! Now I have an insane amount of splinters all over me. They are starting to look a lot like little angry red sores. So yup, now I look like I am hooked on meth. Touche prickly trees. Touche!

This is a test of the Emergency Broadcasting System.

2010-06-03T11:24:00.003-05:00

Well for over a week I have been everyone's punching bag. It just seems to happen from time to time mostly because I can't keep my mouth shut. That's fine; I understand.

BUT, there is such a thing as too far. Once you cross that line I will lick my wounds, tighten my gloves, and kick your ass!

What is really funny is that I guess Chris felt a disturbance in the force this morning and made double sure I felt okay before he headed off to work. He has also called three times to check on me today. I guess the guy has learned how to sense when the whoop ass can is about to be opened.

On top of warming up my can opener I also have developed an overwhelming need to have several adults in my life to be adults, because incase you haven't noticed we are not in high school. We are adults and you need to try to be an adult or I will spank you like a little kid.

So if you see me come to your home, work, or church with a neon green paddle, don't run it just makes me angrier.

Momma with a knife!

2010-05-05T14:47:00.004-05:00

So today was another trip to redneck mecca (Walmart). I have the annoying habit of always parking near the garden section. Typically you check out at the garden center quicker and I had to get tomato cages. Don't Judge Me!

So as I am turning into the parking aisle to hunt for a space, a woman is lighting a cigarette and walking very, very, slowly; dead center down the aisle. You know the aisle big enough to allow two cars to pass. Yeah, that aisle. She had to go so slow I guess because she was wearing those little cheap flip flops you get after a pedicure. (Oh and I checked she did not just have a pedicure)

So I slowly creep well behind her and wait for her to make her bloody mind up and get somewhere, but no; wasn't going to happen! So we continue this way for a whole mind numbing minute and for four car spaces. She finally drags her butt to the right and just allows enough room to let me drive my van along. Now I made sure I had space and some; plus I drove super slow. Want to know why? Because we live in a 'sue you sue me' world and I try my best to keep myself away from stuff like that.

Prison sentence? Sure maybe. Court ordered payout for something stupid and to a moron. Oh! Hay! No!

Now I repeat I drove by really slooooowly. So slow I saw her face contort in disgust, her neck snap side to side and her giant hoop earrings swing around so much her earlobes were cringing. In her eyes I was in her personal space. Her freakishly larger personal space. (I might also add she had the biggest craziest mess of black curly hair I have every seen. Made her head look really itty bitty)

I go to park and before I open the door I can already hear it. A loud screeching woman's voice just running about that "fat bitch almost ran over me". Okay I will so own the "fat bitch" part but I had plenty of room and did not come near her. At this time I have to weigh my options. I can walk by and listen to a tirade of cussing. I can make eye contact and possible entice an altercation. Or I can nip it in the bud.

Now growing up in the South you can be down right Satan himself, but do it with charm, class and sweet warmth. You can also eat road kill but that is another story.

So I as I walk away from my van I pull out my big purse knife (yup I carry them in two different sizes) and slowly drop it into my right hand pocket. I also do this in full view of the screeching woman. I give her a smile and a nod and stroll into Walmart to do my shopping. I also told her that it was a beautiful day!

Not a peep from her and when I got back my car wasn't keyed. Not bad. Not bad at all.

p.s.

See the picture uptop. Here is the link to the game on PETA's website.

Like a bolt of lightening.

2010-05-03T09:22:00.000-05:00

So CJ in his newly acquired 17yr old glory just asked me a question about the Franklin Cartoon. "Mom why are all the characters called Beaver, Bear, Skunk, and Goose but only the turtle gets a name?"

"Well I don't know son, personally it just proves that turtles are nothing but a bunch of bigots."

See I got this parenting thing down!! Mother's Day here I come!

I live in a land of midgets!

2010-04-27T07:27:00.003-05:00

I have been watching a friend's six month old and three year old. All that has done is glaringly show me just how out of little people practice I am. I use to be "The Mom". Give me any baby I could sooth it and any toddler and I could entertain it. Sadly my mojo is gone! Those poor kids I feel for them!

The baby spits up and I want to run to a shower. I remember the days when I was always covered in spit up and it was a miracle if I got a shower that day. Also the baby escapes every time I try to change his diaper. I am just not fast enough!! Plus I think the kids finds it bloody hilarious to do that to me. I think he stays up late like Stewie and makes evil plans against me.

The toddler is easy just throw an endless supply of Cherrios his way and he is good. But I think I spend too much time on the baby and in turn that makes the toddler bored.

But today I learned the toddler's secret. He mumbles all kinds of little things that I can not figure out. He wants to have an honest to goodness conversation with me but I can't translate what he is saying, and he knows it! You can't fake him out. He knows that I don't understand. But today I found the rosetta stone to his persistent mumblings.

Ewok Karaoke!! Did you hear me? Freakin' Ewok Karaoke! Once I sampled a little of that song I knew I had it. I knew I had a way to work out his inner machinations. Plus what an awesome video, Dude!

Ewok Karaoke from Rob Tyler on Vimeo.

Did you hear it? Did you read it? "eee chop glo wah" I was a mazed. There it is out in the open, "eee chop glo wah".

So this morning I served the toddler his Cheerios with milk for breakfast and said "eee chop glo wah". He nodded his head in agreement and with a mouthful of Cheerios and dripping milk said what sounded like "pee chee keene". Oh course I answered with "Nub Yub".

Man, I need more adults to hang out with during the day. This is just sad. Scary sad.

Fine Spring Day!

2010-04-02T11:43:00.006-05:00

Today is warm and sunny! The girls laid out blankets on the lawn and umbrellas to shade them. It was cute to see them hanging out with the neighbor kids and one of the neighbor kid's rat dog.

Her name is Lola and yes she knows she is a princess.

Chris and CJ are laying tile..............and I am doing a lot of nothing!!

Making me break a sweat just watching!

Just a check in.

2010-04-01T08:50:00.001-05:00

So just a yup we are alive

Happy Birthday Robbie!

2010-03-16T09:37:00.002-05:00

Today your birthday is very much different than what you thought it would be a year ago. It is more amazing than any of us could ever imagine and one day we will get to be there with you.

Today for us your birthday is drastically different than we though it would be. We constantly envision you running down the hall with joy and bubbling with excitement because today is your day. You would insist to know why there is no candle in your morning cereal and today you should be bringing a special treat to school for your classmates because that's what the other kids do.

Today I can't help but think of what this year has done to my family. So much joy left our family when Robbie died. Honestly that kid had a gift of bringing us joy. You don't realize just how much until it is suddenly gone.

Chris and I have done the best we can to hold our kids together. We hold onto each other with a fierce grip, cover out children with fervent prayer, and we all face a new reality together. Each of us have been scarred one way or another. Each of us have been put in a dark place and with God and each other we are starting to find our way out.

We were seriously broken when Robbie died. Laney lost a best friend, Andrea lost her security her safe world is no longer safe, and CJ almost lost his life. Chris lost the illusion that he could keep his family safe through anything. I lost part of my heart.

Lost

Some of the most amazing things happen when you lose a child. You can get to see some of the greatest in other people; the other side of the coin is you can see the worst in people. It doesn't mean that those people are bad or selfish; it means that at moments like this you can see what is lacking in that person. It adds to your grief to see that dullness in a person. You are already raw and now you feel sad because they could be better and in their lacking they are hurtful to others.

I have decided to shake my head and move on when that happens. I have four other people that need me to just help them in their day to day life, I can not afford to take on your problems too. It is painful and freeing to make a decision like that. I am still very new at it and don't quite know what to do next...................

Right now I am listening to my neighbor's 4-year old son sing a Bob Marley song to me. "Don't worry about a thing". Wow, a sign from a reggae singing toddler. How cool is that?

Today We Celebrate Robbie

2010-03-13T09:39:00.002-05:00

I Farted in my Head!!

2010-03-08T13:08:00.003-05:00

I guess no one was man enough to take me up on my betting pool! One of the rare times I encourage gambling and it just flops!

So; the Dr. G. Dr. G is a doctor of internal medicine and just one look at me knew I had high blood pressure and an under active thyroid. Of course she gave me a few test to confirm it but apparently I carry my health on my face. Dr. G is also an Indian (red dot Indian, I am a tomahawk kind of Indian) and so Dr. G has an accent. (also I made that Indian joke in her office and it BOMBED! note to self no racist jokes at the Dr.'s office)

Dr. G gets down to business, checks my reflexes, pokes my hand, and says "More than likely you FARTED in your brain".

"Excuse me?"

"You had an infarted in your brain."

"I'm sorry what?"

Now she speaks really slowly. "You had an infarction in your brain."

I just made a bad Indian joke, I was told I am very overweight, and she just told me I farted in my brain. I did not ask for the definition of an infarction at that time. She then went on to tell me that my blood pressure got so high that to release the pressure I had an infarted. Yup I still did not ask. I was then promptly whisked off to another room, given a blood pressure pill and was hooked up to an EKG.

Have you ever had an EKG? I haven't and what little I understood it was to check out how my heart was doing. I must also point out that my nurse was either German or Russian and she had an accent too. "Jew must get up on this chair and take off jour shirt and bra". Dude! What no dinner first! So I am put into an automated chair! (I think Scottie is coming in next to give me all he's got!) The nurse puts all kinds of leads on me and places three under my left boob (nothing but honesty here) and then proceeds to leave the room and did not shut the door. I am hooked up for internet and cable here, topless and the door is wide open! Finally she comes back closes the door and runs the EKG machine for a minute. Dr. G reads it and says my heart is fine.

That leaves just one more test. A CT scan. Have you had one of those? I was totally unprepared. I had my scan the next day and I am already feeling the effects of my blood pressure medicine/water pill. The water pill has me peeing nonstop and I have marked my territory all over the great city of Fayetteville. I am also surprised that my bladder has not fallen out yet. I am led into a cold room (always a cold room, is that a law or something?) and told to take off my earrings so they won't get ripped out while I am in the machine. I am then wrapped up in two layers of lead to make me feel like a bullet proof burrito and another automated chair raises me up to a giant donut shaped magnet. This sweet little southern girl pumps some kind of dye into my veins and then proceeds to talk me through the effects.

First I felt all warm and had a slightly metallic taste in my mouth but the next thing was just shear torture. The dye made me feel like I needed to pee and I needed to pee NOW! Little miss southern bell told me it was just a brief sensation and will pass shortly and I may feel like I need to pee but I won't. When she said I won't pee she said it kinda harsh like there will be a serious price to pay if I pee on her automated chair.

So when the scan was over I scooped up my jewelry and raced to the bathroom. I told miss southern bell that she might want to follow me but she won't and made that last part sound all scary freaky. I have had four kids nobody can do a scary threatening voice like me!! Top that sucka.

CT scan showed nothing at all. No tumor, no abscesses and no signs of anything on my brain. Apparently the stroke I had was so small it left no trace of it behind. I came off very lucky. I do have to take blood pressure medicine and thyroid medicine. I am also on a low salt diet. So far I have not had the uncontrollable urge to chew on the couch cushions but I have had a few close calls.

Most upsetting of all. I have had to give up tater tots. Let that one sink in. Let that statement and its profound meaning wiggle around your brain. Nicole can not have tater tots. I knew I had a strong affection for the golden crispy tot but I never knew I was addicted to them until I could not have them. Served up with Morton's Season salt, cayenne and shredded pepper jack cheese on top. Dipping each one lovingly into ranch dressing or cold ketchup. Yup, if I was to ever stray in my marriage it would be for a long haired man in a tater tot costume.

A deadly lusty combination indeed.

Just how broke am I?

2010-03-04T08:01:00.003-05:00

So today I have a doctor's appointment. I have numbness down the left side of my lower face, neck and arm. At least I am not falling down anymore! Just for giggles I wanted to ask the cop neighbor to give me a DUI test but I wussed out.

Monday night Neighbor Dawn drove me to the Urgent Care at Highsmith and Rainy. Not bad service but not in the best part of town; so glad I had a knife on me. After Dawn stole a few specimen bags (that reminds me, Dustin you should be getting a care package next week!) the Dr. finally saw me. After a long check of the blood flow in my neck, listening to my heart, and checking my reflexes, the doctor then got a small square of cotton and lightly tickled it along my jaw, neck and hand. (Not bad on the street you have to pay extra for that kind of attention.) The Doc announced he didn't know and ordered some blood test. The nurse took a quart of blood and seriously tore my arm up while digging for gold. Dawn must of thought I was nuts when I started singing the song from the Beverly Hillbillies. "Bubblin' crude, oil that is, black gold, Texas tea"

We waited a little longer and the blood test showed that my iron is fine, no diabetes, and my electrolytes were good. I think there was a fourth thing they checked for but it was late and I don't remember what it was. Today is a follow up appointment with a doctor of Internal Medicine. I have no idea what the difference is from a Doctor to a Doctor of Internal Medicine I just hope it doesn't cost a fortune. Boys and girls can we say "Payment Plan?", good job!

So before I am discharged the good ol' doc came back and repeated he didn't know but said for me to take 500mg of calcium just incase I have a severe calcium deficiency. Now I would think if I had a calcium deficiency I would have brittle bones and the three falls on Monday proved mine are pretty good right now. (You and me concrete rematch behind the old gym; three o'clock)

So now is your chance to win some easy money. I will be taking $1 bets on things the doctor will say today. Your options are:

* Bells Palsy

* excessive alcohol

* tumor

* intestinal worms

* distemper

* I just don't know

* Now lets ride that iron pony

* Please quit rubbing my butt

* Let me confer with the spirits first

* excessive fluid in your ear

* You are just plain crazy

I repeat it is a dollar to play. If you want to pick more than one option then you must pay the extra dollar. If you and another person pick the winner than you both have to split the take. Just a reminder this are things the doctor must say not one of the nurses. If no one picks the winner than I get to keep all the money. I will spend it on a lavish dinner to Burger King.

A little drugs, some vertigo and the cops! Never a dull moment.

2010-03-01T12:35:00.003-05:00

As soon as I woke up this morning I knew it was going to be an interesting day. My left ear felt'plugged up' and my left jaw felt a little numb and prickly. As soon as I picked my head up the room begun to swim. Apparently all the congestion my head was slowly building up decided to settle around my ear to give me a good start on possibly craptastic day.

No biggie I still managed to get the girls out the door to catch the bus and drove CJ to school early for a week of testing. I can do this, I am a mom and head colds don't stop me! Nope they just knock me down. When I got home and parked the car in the garage, opened my door and promptly face planted onto the kids bikes by my car.

Vertigo 1, Nicole 0

I did a quick pick up looked around in the garage to make sure no one was looking. I knew I was the only one there but still had to make sure. I looked like a freakin' cartoon when I fell out of the van and I did not want witnesses. I dragged my butt into the house and made myself a hot cup of tea and some cereal because now was time for the cold meds. I can not take cold meds on an empty stomach.

Send Chris off to work, down some cold meds and Tylenol for my building headache and settle down with some tv. After an hour of the boob tube I decide I feel better and Monday is my day to get on the Wii fit board to check my weight. I love and make dramatic plans of mind-boggling destruction for my Wii board. I did the weight and my fitness test.

That demon possessed thing told me to stand on one leg....... did I forget to tell you I still feel a little dizzy?............. and I fell to the left landing my hip on the coffee table.

Vertigo 2, Nicole o

As I am picking my self off of the floor there is a knock at the door. Not a door bell ring but a knock. The rule of thumb in suburbia is to ring the bell. Knocking means serious business and that someone wants you at the door NOW! I am not pleased. I am embarrassed. I have a headache and you banged on my door. It was some poor soul thinking he can either get me to buy something or scam me. Normally I am polite but abrupt and send these people away. Not today.

This 'gentleman' wanted me to listen to his sale pitch to buy an ADT security system. We have had a similar scam come through our neighborhood before and after a few phone calls to ADT I found out there is not a local ADT office in Fayetteville and it is against company policy to do door to door sales. 'Gentleman' was informed by the occupant thusly "I already have a security system, I also have a no soliciting sign and to leave me the hell alone". Normally I don't cuss but I just picked myself off of the floor my ego was a little bruised. From the bottom of my heart, I am sorry would be burglar.

Vertigo 2, Nicole 1, Gentleman Burglar 0

I slammed the door, locked it and called 911. Gave my description, informed authorities of another individual accompanying Gentleman Burglar, and gave info of what direction the pair was walking in.

About ten minutes later I have recovered from my fall and decide to walk outside to wait on the cops to show up. As soon as I step off of the front porch I fell into the prickly cyprus tree beside my porch. I give up and will now spend the rest of the day napping on the couch, drinking lots of fluids, and snorting crushed Sudafed to clear my head out.

Vertigo 3, Nicole 1

Gentlemen Burglar can no longer play he was carted off by the cops.

I Found the Secret!

2010-02-10T12:30:00.008-05:00

There is a treadmill in my room. By some strange unspoken order I must use it. Mostly because my butt beeps every time I happen to walk backwards. I do have one problem; when I hit the 15 minute mark of my hour work out I start to become a little distressed. I begin to take large gulps of water, breathe like someone with an asthma attack, and my thighs are threatening to start a fire. I do this until the end of my workout. So it has become my policy to workout when NO one else is home. Gotta keep my dignity.

But today I found something that will make me run with all my might. Here is some background story. I am a horror movie wus. Especially when it comes to 'The Nightmare on Elm Street' movies. Ever since I was a little kid I would run and hide behind the couch if a movie becomes too much for me. I do have a strange affection for zombie movies and B rated SciFi.

Today I found out the show Supernatural runs every weekday on TNT at 10am and it makes me feel a little creepy. You know that ‘your home alone and something could be behind you’ creepy. But this time that creepy feeling is right. There is a wall three inches behind the treadmill.

I could fall and crash into a wall lurking behind me.

So that show with its scary thing might jump out and get you, and a frightening wall stalking me, I can now run like the wind. Well a slow wheezy wind but wind nonetheless.

Cliff the Leprechaun

2010-02-08T08:52:00.006-05:00

Just to show just how much my brain can just wonder off. This weekend was all kinds of busy and fun. The kids and I went down to the Great BC to see my family and have a birthday dinner for dad, grandma, and brother-in-law. I hustled back Sunday morning to get food ready for CJ to have some friends over for the Superbowl. I should of been focused on the task at hand but in the back of my brain a thought was silently scratching away........Cliff the Leprechaun.

I first met Cliff just after a few days after Robbie's funeral but I had already heard tons about him. Cliff was one of the bums that frequented the gas station my neighbor Dawn manages. Dawn told me that Cliff did sleep behind the laundry mat next door but some head boss of the Soap and Suds said Cliff had to go and that worried Dawn. Cliff would sometimes fall down and have seizures and had really cracked his head hard on the last one and he was just given his walking orders. He had to pack up his few items, his mattress and make camp else where.

When I met Cliff it was all I could do to not giggle my butt off. I was pretty sure that somewhere its just bad form to bust out laughing at some homeless dude sitting on the sidewalk and I was going to mind my P's and Q's. Cliff told me that I was to call him, The Leprechaun, and he went on to talk to me in only a fake Irish accent and kept calling me "Laddie" but would quickly correct himself and then call me "Lass". He was trying his hardest to put on a good show and I did not want to offend him.

I handed Cliff a sandwich and a bag with some odds and ends that also included some clean socks and a toothbrush. "Hey Leprechaun, Mrs. Dawn told me that you had to pack up your stuff and find another place to bed down. Did you find a good place? How are you fairing?"

Well Cliff went on to tell me just how street wise he is. If anybody (other homeless) needed anything than Cliff would find a way to get it for them. If another one of the guys needed food or Pepto for their stomachs they would go to Cliff and he would deliver. Around the other guys on the street Cliff was a big man. He was important.

Cliff also told me that when he did have a home and a job he was not somebody important. One day Cliff was outside his house and saw through the window that his wife was sleeping with his brother. Cliff punched his right arm through the glass and cut all the muscle right off of the bone. Ever since his right arm just looked small and kinda withered. Cliff constantly wished it was strong again but he knew it would never happen. He had some other health problems and I am sure a few of those problems were mental.

It was two weeks to the day after Robbie's funeral and I just let it fall out. "Yeah Cliff life can get hard. My youngest son just passed away". Cliff patted my arm, told me he would say a prayer for me and told me he had a daughter. His daughter loved him and would come see him sometimes and beg him to come live with him and get off of the street. I asked him why he won't go but he just shook his head. I knew why because he was free and important right where he was.

He opened up the bag I gave him. He picked up the pair of socks, smashed them up to his nose and took a deep breath. He then pulled out the toothbrush and told me to take it back. He didn't have teeth and saw no use in him having it.

Not too long after that Cliff wound up in an asylum. There was some charges and when he was arrested he just went nuts on the police. So into an institution he went. I hope in some way he becomes important to the others there.

That was the first time I really just said, "My youngest son passed away", and it was to somebody important. Cliff the Leprechaun.

Cheyenne River Sioux Tribe

2010-02-02T10:21:00.004-05:00

"Eagle Butte, SD (January 30, 2010) - The Cheyenne River Reservation located in the State of South Dakota, homeland of the Cheyenne River Sioux Tribe, is currently facing an emergency situation due to an ice storm that crippled the electrical and water infrastructure. Though the ice storm has passed, the water and power system remains challenged and several Reservation communities have been without power for over ten (10) days. Moreover, a bitterly cold weather system is expected to come in by Sunday evening."

The ice storm downed 2,000 to 3,000 power lines. There have been a few illness due to carbon monoxide fumes from people setting up makeshift heating sources. The only grocery store on the reservation is out of food. One of the big struggles is finding those that still need help. The reservation has a population of roughly 9,000 people spread out over an area the size of the state of Connecticut. Not only was power effected but also the reservation's aged water system.

CRST is very much a tribe in need. High infant mortality rate, suicide rate, high school drop out rate, and on average the Per Capita Income is $9,192. Right now the biggest thing they need is donations. You can find a list of needed supplies at this link. You can also mail a check directly to the tribe's disaster account.

Mail checks to:
Cheyenne River Sioux Tribe/2010 Disaster Account
Cheyenne River Sioux Tribal Chairman's Office
Attn: Ice Storm Emergency Fund
PO Box 590
2001 Main Street (Tribal Offices)
Eagle Butte, SD 57625

You can also make a wire donation

Cheyenne River Sioux 2010 Disaster Account
Direct to: United Bkrs Bloomington ABA # 091 001 322
Beneficiary Bank: Account Number 250 3373
State Bank of Eagle Butte
Eagle Butte, SD 57625
Final Credit: Account Holder @ UBB Customers Bank
Account Holder: CRST 2010 Disaster, Account Number 103173

The kids and I will be getting some paper products together to send to the shelters. If you would like to add something to the box before it is sent just let me know and if you want to give a couple of bucks to help cover postage that would be great too. Thank You.

Edit: I found a link to donate online.

https://secure.piryx.com/donate/0oFFsK8c/Cheyenn-River-Sioux-Tribe/

The sky is falling!

2010-01-31T09:19:00.007-05:00

Chicken Little and her adventures on the icy drive way.

An Archer is I.

2010-01-29T11:36:00.005-05:00

Shot my bow I have. Need more practice I do. Side of house I must practice. (Talking like Yoda is kinda hard and gets old real quick.)

So today I finally got the bow out and wrought serious damage on thy evil plastic shed yonder in the yard part we call the back. (I also butchered the vile King's English)

Ok fine I will continue.......So you can see in the picture I had two good shots right in the center of the target, and I shot Chris's plastic shed twice. Yup going to have to apologize for that one and just try my best next time. I am sure it all gets better from here.

Here is the second picture after shooting another round. Yup shot the shed again. But hey its just one arrow this time and next time that shed will just watch its self around me. First I had to get my pocket knife out, cut the plastic handle, move the target, and then muster up some muscle strength to yank that sucker out of the shed.
Since I am shooting so great maybe I should move the target off of the chair it was sitting on and place it on the ground. No big deal just a little adjusting. As you can see I found a new way to aerate the yard and yes I hit the shed......again. I dug four arrows out of the ground and pulling an arrow that has sunk in at least six inches into a Tupperware shed is HARD! My shoulder is sore from yanking them out; not from drawing back the bow. Oh click on the picture and you will notice the lower left corner of the target. Yup, the ONLY arrow that made it in the target that time.
So shooting practice is suspended until I have my apology speech written and memorized for Chris. I think I it should include some kinda of story about needing to plan for a possible Tupperware shed uprising. Hey if Ted from church can plan for Armageddon and Zombies than I can plan for evil plastic. We all have our own specialties and it would be negligent to not be prepared.

I found in this informative video of the man with the nice hair that I would like to pet.....Focus Nicole Focus!! I need to learn to line up my peep sight with my actual EYE! Yeah, my eye and, my right eye, don't use the left one. I also need to find a better place to practice. Come on Yoda we've got work to do.

Yes I ordered the Hooker in Plaid!

2010-01-27T10:45:00.004-05:00

So the Boy is taking his GED classes. Rather more like trying to take his GED classes. At FTCC he has been required to take a two hour orientation were surprise there was a test! Then a week later he had another three hour test but this was the real skills assessment test the last surprise test was a practice test.

Poor kid when he came out of the last test he looked like a zombie. Not because he had a three hour test but because some 60 year old woman got in trouble for filling out her bubble sheet the wrong way. She has never used a bubble sheet before and wrote her test answers on her test booklet; thereby winning her a resounding lecture and giving CJ a severe case of the willies. "Dude, they were yelling at a 60 year old woman. They are really mean mom." I say a good dose of fear can go a long way but really? Way to go you humiliated an old woman. Douche!

This week is the practice school week. CJ goes to FTCC everyday this week from 8 am till 2:30 pm just to enjoy a week of practice school. His real class does not start till March. Why so many foolish hurdles because FTCC only wants to deal with people who are serious. If you can't get to fake class for a full five days then why mess with you if you can't make it to a three month class? Don't worry I get it and after seeing some of the folks that just hang around that building doing nothing I can see why.

So yesterday I go to pick up my little man from pretend school, he is so cute "pinch cheeks", and well only great things happen. There is a smorgasbord (I had typed smorgashborg. You know the plethora of cyborg related items but the spell check did not like it) of people just ripe for voyeuristic people watching. I love to people watch!! To just sit and stare at folk as they are going around doing their own little things. Its weird but, man I love it!

There were a few vans to pick up people that came from group homes, church vans offering rides for those in need, and a van for a special needs day program. Different folks picking up friends, children, and other various acquaintances. People just walking in mass around the moving cars instead of using the sidewalks provided!! So what happens? A very angry Nicole is starting to plan vehicular homicide. At one point a large mass of people surrounded my van and kept me from slowly edging forward with the other vehicles. I was stuck in a sea of jay walkers and well I had it! I put the van into reverse and slowly backed out of the frozen line of cars. Finally the sea of humans parted when I hit some poor dread locked soul in the back of his legs with my bumper. I am absolutely positive I would not of hit him if his pants were pulled up from around his knees. Those pants impeded his escape.

So because of my impatience I had to circle around and get back in the line cars again! So. Not. Cool! I was even further behind in the line but at least I was not in that wiggling mass of people who had no where else better to go but the middle of a parking lot. Then a new traffic jam delema developed. A youngish woman took her station on a yield sign. Wearing black tights for pants, burgandy heels that pushed her short little frame way up to the sky and a red and blue plaid shirt with ruffles. She tossed her hair and cd sized gold earrings over her shoulder and the bait caught sight of the first willing ~~customer victim~~ interested party.

He pulls up from the wrong direction, angles his car right in front of my van keeping me from moving forward and proceeds to begin his courtship with said youngish lady. "Hey plaid shirt, hey, can I have your number?", Moves the nose of his car up until it is dangerously close to my front bumper. "You looking good all leaning on that sign". She responds to his romantic calls with.....Who In The Lords Knows What Because I SNAPPED!!

In a rational mature way I roll down all the windows in my van (a total of 6) and with a loud voice say over my cell phone. "Sweety I will get to you as fast as I can. I know you really need help but there is a hooker turning a trick right in front of my car and as soon they move I will race right to you! Just hang in there"..............

Poor youngish lady got very embarrassed and tittered her little self on those amazingly high heels away from the sign and the romancer backed up and drove away.

I really hate school traffic in all of its forms. Truly do.

Real Time Birthday.....Or Something Like It.

2010-01-19T09:35:00.006-05:00

Did a quick dig around on the blog and found the link to last year's birthday. So much can change in a year it is overwhelming and very sad. So enough of that, lets get birthday mental!!!

I was suppose to wake up Laney early so she could wake me up and tell me "Happy Birthday". That was her request last night. So at 6 am I told her to get up and a very small weak quiet voice from under a mound of purple blankets sung out "Happy Birthday mommy". That won her ten more minutes of sleep.

6:30 am Andrea made me a birthday breakfast of strawberry shredded wheat and a coffee mug of orange juice. I really need to teach that kid how to use the coffee maker.

6:35 am Lisa texts me to let me know that Riley (one of the chillins I watch twice a week) would not be coming. I had some awesome little people mayhem planned but I had a chance to snag and extra hour of sleep.

7:10 am The girls are off to school, Chris gives me a back rub (your have earned 50 husband points!), and I get to go back to bed.

8:30 am Christopher (chillins #2) comes to spend some time with me but he quickly falls into a dark deep pit of despair. His lady fair, Riley, is not here today and they are still in the beginning phases of their courtship. Preschoolers are AWESOME!!

9:00 am There is a mysterious knock at the door. When I opened it all I could hear was scurrying and wheezing but the best was a big stuffed yellow duck on my step with a birthday card. Dawn was trying to do a birthday ding dong ditch but house slippers just don't make for a fast getaway. I stood on the porch and covered my eyes and yelled "Don't worry I can't see you!" A loving birthday card about lifelong friends and a threat scrawled on the bottom of it from Dawn; "yes, you're stuck with me! Teach you to make new friends." Yup Dawn I am stuck with you like Herpes Simplex and no amount of Abrivea will ever make you go away. KISSES

10:00 am Facebook message from my mom. " Happy Birthday. I am amazed at what an amazing woman you are. Your faith and your strength that you find in God are amazing. You make your momma proud. Happy Birthday to my only planned pregnancy!" CJ read it and did not understand why I found this so amazingly funny. A few years ago I said some kind of off the wall comment and my mom gave me that look. That "child you are cracker head insane" look and what proceeded out of her mouth will be forever etched into my grey matter. "and I asked God for you". It was one of those did that really fall out of my mouth comments but it is pure gold. PURE GOLD!!!! Thanks mom, love you too!

1:30pm Stroll on that freakin' treadmill in the garage. The best part was watching two Robot Chicken episodes I got as a birthday gift off of iTunes. And yup they were both the Star Wars episodes!! For The Win baby! For The Win!!

4:00pm The great workout on the treadmill is undone by a wonderful Dove Chocolate bar.

5:00pm Made wonderful chocolate chunk shortbread cookies and Chris came home for work.

6:00pm Family dinner at Dawn's and was surprised with a mint chocolate chip ice-cream cake. The best was that CJ remembered I wanted to chicken candles Christina sent me from Germany on my birthday cake. I don't care how much lead paint or other toxins could be on those things, I wanted them on my cake and the boy came through for me!!

All in all a very nice day! Thanks family and friends!

Birthday Book Review

2010-01-18T15:43:00.003-05:00

Big Sis sent me an awesome book for my birthday. "The Villain's Guide to Better Living" Its an awesome lazy afternoon read for when you should be cleaning your house or torturing your minions.

It is chopped full of wonderful tips to improving your villainous lifestyle. Big Sis knows I need a gentle and loving push to get back into the swing of being a fabulous Supreme Ruler and how could I resist such encouraging words to become a truly nefarious ne'er-do-well that I should be?

"Imagine the possibilities. You'll have more energy to tie maidens to railroad tracks. Your dastardly scheme to crash the moon into the earth will actually succeed. Your castle will be a lair for self-indulgence, and your life will be filled with minions begging to perform your every misdeed. You will be so up and so motivated that you'll want to enslave humanity again-and you'll have the strength to do it"

With tips on decor, grooming, job hunting, and entertaining fiends; I have what I need to get back on the horse and crack my cat-o-nines. (You thought I was going to say whip; pervert)

I can't wait to use my new pick up lines on Chris!!! "Is it infernally hot in here, or is it just you?", "What a gruesome furry beast you've got on that leash!" WINK WINK "Want to blow up the world together?"

Great book and I am thinking of sending a copy to my pal Dr. Horrible. He could definitely use the help in the dating section. I still haven't forgiven him for leaving those bags of liquid gold in my fridge to pay back that loan I gave him. You can't take that to the bank DH!! Even Walmart don't except that crap!

Ponder This

2010-01-15T15:35:00.003-05:00

See more funny videos and funny pictures at CollegeHumor.

Just saw this on Geekologie and though "Oh so funny". Until I went to check on Andrea and Kayla playing with their Barbies and PetShops.

Andrea,"PEW, PEW, PEW'

Kayla, "and then you found out she was your mom and you didn't want her to be your mom..."

Andrea, "So I ran to the ranch and told my friends and we all told her to go away"

So I made myself as flat against the hallway wall as I could to listen to the rest and dude do you have any idea how hard that is to do for a big girl like me?

Andrea and Kayla, "mumble mumble mumble"

Andrea, "Will you be our baby?"

Kayla, "Yes, I mean oui; it's a French baby"

Long dramatic pause.

Andrea, "He is now thinking of getting rid of the baby"

Kayla, "No he isn't, he just needed to think for a moment."

So I will be sleeping with my eyes open tonight or having strange dreams about the friends from the ranch and a French baby trying to get rid of me.

I like to smoke...............

2010-01-14T13:43:00.004-05:00

I wish I was cool enough to really smoke instead I am a wannabe. I like the smell of certain things. Gas and motor oil makes me think of my Dad. I love the smell of reams of paper don't know why I just do. I love the smell of dinner cooking; something so homey and relaxing about that. Last but certainly not least I like the smell of some one smoking Marlboro cigarettes.

Oh Marlboro! How will I ever kick you, especially since I don't smoke you? There aint any support groups for that.

While a young and outrageously cute Nicole grew up her parents smoked Marlboros; that and Camels. My dad was all about saving Camel Cash and getting free stuff. Dawn smokes Marlboro Lights and I am alright being around her when she smokes but Oh Great Heaven on High I can't stand the smell of cheap cigarettes. And yes I have felt the need to revive some child hood memories and stalked a few walking smokers here and there looking for that magical Marlboro scent and yup some people got a little creeped out.

But cheap cigarettes just smell repulsive to me. Can't explain it but they just smell awful. I saw this post over at Waiter Rant and North Carolina banned smoking in restaurants. There have been some interesting debates on smokers rights and the harm of second hand smoking.

To be honest I just don't want you smoking around my kids. Other than that me and the smokers we are okay..................Unless they are a bunch of cheap butt crakcer heads smoking crappy cheap cigarettes. If you are going to spend the money go high on the hog and just smoke less often so you can stretch it out.

Dog Alone

2010-01-08T21:49:00.001-05:00

For my birthday I want to go to the pound and get a dog.

My Imaginary Friend

2010-01-05T15:10:00.002-05:00

Oh I must confess I do have an imaginary friend. Why should I affirm her now? Well someone who cares for me and my well being informed me that they think I am severely depressed and I should take their advice seriously or Chris could have me committed some where for being clinically depressed. That was one of those little side comments that someone makes and it is a shock but it does latch onto you grey matter and make you take stock and what I came up with.................

I have an imaginary friend, she has no name because she is kinda sneaky like that. We have argued, schemed, and cried together. She hears my very rational arguments before I confront Chris on a rather sticky matter. She also kicks me when those rational arguments become the random babbles of a lunatic. I have known her since childhood. Chris has walked into a room to see who I am talking to and no one is there. Its just one of my things and I am really okay with it.............but would it get me committed?

So while I am taking stock. Stock?? Really? Is there a nicer more intellectual way to say I am examining myself under a very heavily prejudice magnifying glass? I think the magnifying glass is a good description because I have fried some grey matter with searing white hot pain of the sun on somethings and others I refuse to deal with because I just don't feel like it.

What happens when you wrestle with yourself, your God, your imaginary friend, a pretend magnifying glass and you are going through one of the hardest periods of your life? Great wonderful epiphanies? More like a large puff of dust billowing out of your ear.

Well for me I worked it down to that key thing that brought me to this place at this time. I lost my wonderful son and it hurts like hell to lead a family that doesn't feel whole. I have four children, three here on earth with me and one in heaven. We are still a family just changed.

But personally for me at this time, just to carry on I shall do things that I love, do things that I care about and find happiness in that.

Depressed? Yup but I am fine with it. Well me and my friend are fine with it and I dare Chris to commit me. I could stay in a place that lets me sleep all day, have craft time, cook my meals and give me a stylish white coat to wear when ever I want.............Sounds like heaven. I think I may strip down to my underwear and hang from the rain gutters to speed the process along.

Dang my imaginary friend is already out there. Hussy, she don't wait for nobody.

Merry Christmas from Russia!

2009-12-26T21:23:00.006-05:00

"Let it Snow" sung by Andrea Carter!

Also here is a link to a slide show Chris made of our Christmas portrait session.

It's not sane...........It's not sane.

2009-12-26T12:17:00.002-05:00

For some crazy reason this song has been rolling through my head for the past few days. I think I identify with the little girl in the video a little too much. Oh well Christmas recap later today. Scouts Honor!

Merry Christmas from Russia!

2009-12-22T17:02:00.002-05:00

Like Santa wouldn't win?! He knows when you are sleeping and knows when you are awake! Santa is really a reformed ninja.

Prayer Please, Um OK Thanks!

2009-12-18T09:00:00.002-05:00

So I have had a rough week and being a wise mature grown up I spewed all of my maturity all over Facebook. Wisdom I haz it! But I must say it is good to know there are people still praying for us and will take down specifically what kind of prayer we need and will lovingly lift me and my family up. It is a great thing because I can't pray for myself.

I couldn't pray at all for a while after we lost Robbie. Can't explain why but just couldn't. I just threw up to God that He knew life really sucked at the time and I appreciated the help. It was more like a quick, Help! and Amen. I got so bad I thought about gettin' all gangsta and just do that two finger sign on the heart, fingers to lips and up to the sky, but it seemed so sacrilegious. Plus CJ laughing like a maniac didn't help. Dork.

I have gotten better. I can pray for my family and others but not for myself. When I ask for myself I get really whiny, and selfish and I am sure God just rolls his eyes with annoyance. (Do you remember when you were a kid and your dad would thump you on the head? You know that "its not right to yell or spank you right now but a thump so hard it sounds like a gunshot will do the trick". I swear it sounded like dad was testing coconuts for ripeness and you could hear the milk sloshing around.) When I get whiny when I pray I bet God is working it out for my dad to come by and thump me again.

So it is best to not go there and just plan awesome others will do it for me. Its like prayer mercenaries. Dude that sounds so wrong but its what I need and it works.

Until today..................

Chris is STRESSED. His stress is manifesting physically. His back hurts, neck and shoulder muscles spasm, his iritis has flared up, cranky, he can't sleep and I am going to get a rifle and put him out of his misery! So I do what any good wife would do I pray for his healing and pray for Chris to find a way to relax. But of course she who has "issues"...............(honestly can't think of a nice witty ending for this)

I go to pray and of course it gets jacked up because if he gets better I get better. It went like this, sorta; "Lord please help Chris to relax. To find his rest in you. He needs a restful sleep that heals his body and spiritual rest to heal his soul. Make him mindful of his attitude BECAUSE SO HELP ME IF HE DON'T STRAIGHTEN UP I AM GOING TO CUT HIM. I WILL THROW HIS BODY IN A DITCH AND CLAIM A GROUP OF ROAMING ANGRY RED HAT SOCIETY WOMEN DID IT!"

Anybody want to analyse that one?

I don't know where the Red Hat Society came into this but they did. Now I am all about getting down and dirty and really telling God how you feel. Just after Robbie died I told God I was pissed off He chose not to save Him. I understand there has to be a greater purpose, I get that but I didn't want it. I wanted my kid and I took it to the only person who could give him back. If I did not say that to Him and I could not begin my journey to get back to Him. Hey!, like I said I have "issues". So because I have "issues" I can't pray for Chris because it would help me.

So to those wonderful people could you please give out shout out to the big 'G' upstairs because I have "issues"? Um Ok Thanks?!

And you Red Hats I've got my eyes on you.

Dear Santa,

2009-12-17T15:19:00.002-05:00

Laney brought home her letter for Santa that she typed up on the computer at school.

Dear Santa,

I want a refrigerator with food and a des (Nintendo DS). A cat for me.

Love,

Laney

Than scrawled on the bottom of the page. And my mom want a cat.

This is from the same kid who found out that Santa isn't real and in fact informed me he was dead. Childhood fantasies destroyed. Check! I should show her pictures of dead kittens to really round out our failure as parents.

Merry Freakin' Christmas!!

2009-12-17T11:30:00.004-05:00

Party!!

2009-12-11T08:34:00.002-05:00

So we are having the church choir coming over tomorrow for a Christmas party. So far in my attempts to clean my house for this event nothing but mishap ensues. I think that if there were Christmas spirits than they must be out to punk me. While attempting to clean and decorate the kids/guest bathroom for said party I have taken paint off of the wall, partially destroyed a Christmas wreath, repainted bathroom, and dropped Christmas decorations into the toilet.

The wind kicked up and knocked over several decorations on the porch and I think a stray cat has sprayed some of the outside decorations. Our Christmas tree is leaning and everyday it seems to be leaning over a little bit more. We need a new tree stand but that shall wait till next year. I am thinking of running a plumb line from the ceiling and take measurements of the degree of the leaning everyday just for my own amusement.

At the beginning of the Christmas season (that would be in October because the spirits punk early around here) I had made the decision to grit my teeth, square my shoulders, plow through and teach that whinny season called Christmas who its daddy is while giving out a warrior cry of "Its Jesus's birthday so take your cheap presents, smile and stop that belly aching before I end you!" Apparently the Christmas spirits heard of my intentions and have accepted the challenge.

Them jackass spirits don't understand. I have made the decision that we will survive and enjoy our first Christmas with out Robbie. That's it period. So freakin' Merry Christmas!

Dear Diary..........I Cursed Her. :(

2009-12-08T07:14:00.002-05:00

Dear Diary,

Yesterday I had a serious break of etiquette. First thing in the morning Dawn sent me a lovely text. (Never mind that I sweetly told her I came way too close to going over my texting limit last month and we need to TALK more than text each other) "Just in case I forget to ever say it (and I do!). Thanks for being a good neighbor and friend. :-D"

Of course I get a little weepy and promptly texted her back (can't call her while she is working; it could make her look bad...well more bad than her turning her back on her customers and tippy tapping away on her cell phone!) "Ditto! There is no way we could have of survived these past few months without you nudging us along"

I am serious here. Dawn has been the voice of reason when all I want to do is stay in pajamas from two days ago, drag around an almost empty box of tissues, constantly keep feeding my family Ramen noodles instead of making dinner and play Wii all day under a blanket fort I made in the livingroom. She is my personal chain smoking, hard liquor drinking Jiminy Cricket who can go into a local pool hall and come out a few hundred dollars richer pool shark. (ok she isn't that bad I just thought that all sounded cool; she hasn't been in a pool hall is a while she has a pool table at home to bilk you out of your money)

Of course our conversation quickly went back to some childish banter because that was just way to grown up of a conversation for us and we then go about our day. Maturity; we has it!!

Later that day while driving around the major metropolis of Fayetteville, CJ picks up my cellphone and reads our text. (Thank goodness we did not make any dirty jokes!) CJ than makes a wise and kind comment about how Dawn and I make good friends, and in a moment of motherly pride I respond.

"Dude, that b*tch made me cry this morning"

I don't know what happened, or were it came from, but yup that word just fell out of my mouth. Poor CJ did not know what to do. He just fixed his eyes dead ahead, made no sudden moves and waited. He did not know what he was waiting for but he waited.

Of course as soon as I got to talk to Dawn I had to tell her that I called her...........you know that word. Of course Dawn laughs like a mad woman when I told her and played it all cool but I am kinda scared. She can get a little gangsta scary at times and I am concerned she may retaliate.

Help Me!

A Shout Out to Ma Sista!! Mullah!!

2009-12-02T12:35:00.003-05:00

Big Sista J put up an awesome post about her love of the YouTube and well once I saw it I just knew I had the video for her(well a couple). Jocelyn I think you got the music issues and I got Dad's strange movie issues. Which reminds me have you guys gone over to watch Time Bandits with him yet?

Dear Diary, Today I left him.

2009-11-24T15:20:00.003-05:00

Today I got paint for the kitchen, a few odd and ends for Christmas and then made a last minute stop to Wal-mart to pick up potatoes for Thanksgiving. We laughed, we shopped, we casually strolled out to the parking lot and loaded the van with groceries. He took the empty cart over to the farthest cart return........and I drove off and left him.

You have to think about this. He dragged his butt slowly towards the idling car and well I got tired of waiting. CJ just slowly sat down onto the CLOSEST cart return (you know the one he should of used) and called me. "Mom, do you want me to walk home or are you going to come pick me up?" "I will come get you in a little bit..."

I drove home unloaded the groceries, paint, and odd and ends. Then grabbed a snack, and then got back into the van to pick him up.

Now I live less than a mile from Wal-mart so it was no major trip and I was only gone about ten minutes. He was in the same spot that I left him and when I drove up to pick him up I glanced over and saw it. I saw it as plain as day and CJ said it was there the whole time.

A police cruiser. A Fayetteville City police man sitting in his car. The nice policeman waved when CJ got into the car and away we drove.

So Diary today I abandoned my eldest at Wal-mart, the police watched me do it and well .............I got away with it. What else should I do on my crime spree???? Betty I'm a coming.

Where have I been?

2009-11-02T08:14:00.018-05:00

(The girls at the Cumberland County fair)

Well we have been everywhere! I haven't posted because life gets busy and I have had a few hurtles of my own. September 24th was the official six month mark since Robbie passed. I wanted to post but then again I didn't want to post. The simple truth is people expect you to be doing OK but the reality is we are still struggling. Andrea is showing some stress with school, CJ went to therapy and I feel like I am constantly trying to catch up with my family's needs.

(Just a second before that horse tried biting her finger!)

My sister in law Jennifer came to visit a few times this past month and she asked me how I am doing. To be honest I have no freakin' idea. I feel like I am to busy putting out fires to deal with my own grief. My goal at first was to keep my family functioning as much as possible and I think I just pushed the emotional out of the way.
Then again going through the day to day and keeping a routine helps me to keep going when I do get depressed and saddened. It is a given that around the 24th of every month I get depressed and weepy and an all around butt to be around.
How can I not be a butt it comes so naturally and dang it!; if some of you people don't nut up here soon I am going to..........................................................

(My neighbor Dawn showing her urbaness; is that even a word?)

Anyway! The kids and I pretty much decided to just have fun and go with the flow. We have some big things we are dealing with and we could use the pick me ups when ever we can get them.

(CJ discovering the goodness of funnel cakes topped with apple, strawberries, and chocolate)

(The petting zoo had its own little side show going on and I had a few questions to answer.)

So again it is time to dig in. Andrea needs some extra help to keep up her school work. Some of her test scores have dipped and she is struggling with her AG work. She has always just taken what ever work was handed to her and happily ran with it. So now mommy is policing her homework, making sure she stays on task and on time. She has a chance to be in the Heart of Christmas show but that could very well be the last straw. That one still remains up in the air.

(Dawn got a lab pup named Max. Max and Laney have a love hate relationship)

CJ had an interesting rough patch that almost caused me to murder him. Lets just say some therapy and some time to just be himself really seemed to help. CJ's main problem was that he needed to grieve more openly than Chris and I were doing. He wants to talk about Robbie and he is afraid too because he knows it could cause us more pain. Giving him a person outside of the situation to talk to really helped. He has some other things he is working on and Chris and I are doing our best to help with it.

(My nephew Logan with my dad's beloved flamingos)

(A sampling of the kids that went to the zoo with us)

Laney has been sick. She caught two colds back to back and then for a wonderful finale got pneumonia. It was very scary just how fast the pneumonia came on. She was a little tired after school and about three hours later we were in the ER! Her immune system has taken quite a hit and she picked up a stomach bug last week. Right now I am trying to track down some flu vaccine for the kid. I was going to take her to a clinic at the Health Plex to get the H1N1 shot but there are already people lined up on the street for it. I don't want to keep her in the cold like that for who knows how many hours. So for now I am hounding the pediatrician and the health department.

(Andrea and her bestest friend in the whole wide world, Kayla)

(CJ and I got pedicures together. The little Asian ladies ragged on him for his gnarly feet.)

(The funny thing was CJ said his feet felt much lighter when they were done!)

I am trying to find an ending to this post but I can't. The hurdles will keep coming and I will keep beating them down with a vengeance because that is what my kids need right now. That is what I need right now.

(Laney was a fire fairy, Andrea was a wind fairy and I was a redneck fairy)

In the end that is what my kids will learn. When the worst happens you grab God with all your might and you take what ever comes your way and show who is boss. Thats how it gets done!!

The Car Accident

2009-09-18T06:57:00.003-05:00

I would like to apologize for my last post. Apparently I have some major grammatical issues. Normally I read over my post several times and try to correct as many mistakes as possible but I don't know what I was smokin' but WOW. Here is an example "We had so much fun. This was Mom's birthday gift and I wanted her to have a great time. I did whatever I could to make and fun and boy did she! Mom got to dance with Aunt Bobbie, the girls were very jealous of Nana dancing and not them. I told them that this was Nana's special trip and that next time will be their turn. Some cheap souvenir jewelry from some of the pow wow vendors seemed to smooth it over." I wish I could figure out a way to cover this with tons of red ink. Just to make me feel better and well to also feed my strange need to be scolded by an English teacher. (But only a sexy male English teacher with a Scottish accent hhhmmmm accent.............. where were we??)

So we all had a great time at the pow wow and Sunday morning we were about to check out of the hotel and start our journey home. Then mom answers a phone call from the front desk. I was folding laundry and as soon as mom said, "yes a tan Toyota minivan" I just feel face first onto the bed. My new, NEW, van; not even two weeks old, van!! I grab my hooker purse and ran down stairs to find the whole back glass to my van gone!

A family from Texas driving an Expedition hit my van while they were backing out of their parking space. Now I have had few (several) accidents; some have been my fault and some haven't. (Dude, I hit my parents church with a station wagon once.) I have learned that no matter what you always call the cops. The dad was just going to put his info on my car and mom was still in the driver sit, car running, kids buckled in, and was in a hurry to get on her way!!! I lied through my teeth. "In North Carolina you have to call the police to any accident or your could be charged for leaving the scene of an accident" The little front desk clerk ran inside and called the cops. (Thank you little desk clerk, you were a little on the creepy side but you da' man!!)

The cop came, asked a few questions and filled out a report. During those questions it came out that mom hit my car not dad but mom was not turning over her license and info! No her little husband had to do it; apparently she was too busy! Gaw! Woman! You did it, why is your husband cleaning up your mess?

Now I would like to point out my behavior. I was nice! I was thankful the guy had insurance! I was pleased he stayed around for the police to show up. But then the wormed turned. When the family raced off on their way I realized there was a very big mess for me to clean up. Thankfully Little Desk Clerk, a maintenance man, and CJ helped to clean up the glass. When I realized that they did not even offer to help clean up but just took off I was mad. Oh no they didn't!!

The true depth of my anger was not realized until Aunt Bobbie called to check on me and I was at the gas station trying to vacuum up all the broken glass from the interior of the car. Explaining to Aunt Bobbie what happened; it hit me; it hit me hard. That woman that hit my car did not even get out of her car, did not even apologize to me, made her husband take care of the insurance info, and then drove off with her big a&# car not to be bothered by me anymore.
I am the one that had to spend a life time on the phone with the insurance company, me and my family had to stay another night in Ponca City, we were a day behind on our trip back home and I had to drive with plastic on the back of my car through five states. The woman did not even say she was sorry!!

What the crap lady!! Yeah it was an accident. I understand that; I've caused a few accidents and I am the last person to condemn you for that. I am just ticked off because you can't say "I'm sorry". Its not hard. It is a good healthy thing to do. You screw up and apologize. No biggie!

So Renee H. of Pearland Texas I hope an armadillo gets stuck in your tailpipe!

I would also like to point out that during these events CJ was texting Nick S. about how cool it would be to see me in a sudden death match with Renee H. of Pearland Texas. Personally I believe I could break her little twiggy legs in the first round but no knock out. I like to draw my beatings out for while. They are much more satisfying that way.

The Pow-Wow

2009-09-14T19:16:00.002-05:00

I have wanted to take the kids to a pow-wow with my Aunt Bobbie and Uncle Henry FOREVER! So I decided to take the plunge and take the kids out to Oklahoma for the 133rd annual Ponca Pow-wow. I have attended a couple of pow-wows here in North Carolina but they are run much different than I was use too. They actually have individual "drum bands" with weird garage rock band names like Blazing Morning Star or Government Queso and they make up their own songs! A real shock to me. No honored elders specially invited to sing at the drum just some strange guys cutting cds of their rockin' chants. Gaw!!

This trip also took some prepping for Laney. She asked a few interesting questions.
"Mom what do Indians eat?", "Well honey Mr. Grandpa is an Indian and he eats normal food",
"Mom what do Indians wear?", "Laney Indians wear clothes like us."
"Mom what do Indians live in?", "Mr. Grandpa is an Indian and he lives in a house."
"Mom Mr. Grandpa lives in a trailer, do all Indians live in a trailer, does Mr. Grandpa sometimes call it a tee pee, can you pee in a tee pee?"...........................
After a few reassuring words and some well placed threats Laney was ready to meet the Indians.

Once we got to the pow-wow I about had a heart attack. There was an abnormal amount of children smoking cigarettes and cigars. I was MAD. How dare those parents just cut them kids lose and let them cut up like that!? I fumed and steamed over that well into the next afternoon. I was making plans to hang posters of lung cancer and smoking hot lines all over the place. I had justified a trip to Kinkos and a staple gun as a reasonable vacation expense. Then on a walk around the pow wow grounds I stepped on a plastic cigarette that pushed out a thin trail of chalky smoke when I stepped hard enough on it. Most of those kids (not all) were running around with fake smokes and pretending to puff away like little smoke fends. Now I had a new mission. Where in the world do I find those awesome toys. I was ecstatic when later that night I scored two plastic cigarettes and a fat rolled paper cigar.

We had so much fun. This was Mom's birthday gift and I wanted her to have a great time. I did whatever I could to make and fun and boy did she! Mom got to dance with Aunt Bobbie, the girls were very jealous of Nana dancing and not them. I told them that this was Nana's special trip and that next time will be their turn. Some cheap souvenir jewelry from some of the pow wow vendors seemed to smooth it over.

CJ got to hang out with some of the Ponca kids and stand out like a sore thumb doing it and then I noticed it. All the little Indian girls checking him out. They say a good looking blonde kid with blue eyes and sweet Southern accent; the sharks were circling. I left my gun at home and had to rely on my own ability to instill fear into others to run them off. As luck would have it my cousin Jason's mother in law gave me a really nice pocket knife. Now I do have a pocket knife but it stays in my purse with my tampons. Its a great knife but its too big to keep in my pocket. It just feels uncomfortable and pokes me in the hip. Now the new one is smaller and fits in my pocket perfectly. I was prepared but then fate stepped up in the form of Jason's sister in law, Storm. She seemed to ward off all the other little Indian girls and boy that was some trick. There was a pack of them and they had babies, strollers and toddlers in tow. I just couldn't wrap my mind around threatening some young girl in front of her babies. I can if I need too I just really don't want to get on the news that way. You know "woman saves family from house fire" is fine just not "woman beats teen with her baby's stroller"!

We enjoyed three nights of great dancing, fellowship with family and most of all healing. It is a strong desire of mine now to spend time with my family. Since Robbie's death I just want to run to my mom's house and hide for a while and spending time with Bobbie and Henry helped with that. To hear Henry's prayers for me and to talk with Bobbie about my heart and were it stands today and were it will be later was, I don't know, cleansing.

After much fun it was time to go home, but fate twisted again and the car accident happened............................

(no Indians were harmed in the retelling of this story. All stunts were executed by well trained Stunt Indians. Do not try this at home.)

Some Pow-wow Pics!

2009-09-12T07:07:00.012-05:00

Aunt Bobbie and her granddaughter Katzy.

This is Storm and this picture just does not do her justice. She is such a lovely young lady.

Cousin Jason and his wife Manda(Katzy's parents) I really enjoyed spending time with them.

In the blue Uncle Henry.

Mom and her new shaw. The girls were very jealous that she got to dance and not them.

Jason

Mom and Aunt Bobbie making their way back.

CJ, Cousin Pete, Cousin Jason and Uncle Henry. Its not often I get a picture with CJ being the shortest person.

That darn Wii again.

2009-09-08T09:55:00.002-05:00

Well upon returning from my trip one of the first things I had to do was finish the girls school supply list and get myself a Wii Fit board. Apparently I like being punished by my electronics.

This morning I happily put in the disc, stepped on the board and all hay broke lose. First the little technological marvel checked my balance. No problem it showed a little red dot that pointed out I lean back to much. Then a word screen popped up and asked if I trip when I walk. Oh no it didn't!!

OK ha, ha, funny, next. Next, next was the thing of my nightmares (well not all my nightmares but some of them) my weight. I acknowledge that I need to lose weight, and I am using the Wii to help me on that part. (plus you play video games while you exercise, COOL!!!!) This does not give the Wii free license to act crappy to me. That demon board flashed my weight and made my little Mii explode into the Stay Puff marshmallow man!! That poor little cartoon avatar thingy looked at me with utter surprise on her face.

Then it did some kind of fitness and age test on me. In a little chipper high pitched voice it told me I was obese and have the fit age of a 44 year old! Then a little word box popped up and pointed out in RED that is a +12 of my real age.

I calmly stepped back from that little hateful contraption, went to the kitchen and ate an egg roll. Unfortunately when I cam back CJ was testing and the little word box was singing his praises.

Stupid Wii board, stupid teenagers. Stupid irresistible egg rolls.

The Trip!

2009-09-07T17:03:00.010-05:00

Ok I just got back from a road trip with my mother and the kids. This trip was a birthday present for my mom, a much needed reconnect for me and my Aunt Bobbie and well we dragged the kids along too. I have a few scars, a few regrets, I have rested and now I am ready to speak. Cue dramatic music!!!!

I took my mom to GRACELAND!! Neither one of us are big Elvis fans but it was neat to go just to say we have been there.
That man had some very interesting clothes. Some of those suits would make a Bedazzler weep.
We took the house and stable tour. Unfortunately just a week before one of the horses died so the stable tour was kinda sad. One of the horse trainers came out and let us ask questions. I figured the girls would knock each other over trying to get closer to the horses but no; Laney just dropped a few rocks into one of their drinking troughs and Andrea just kinda wondered around. I personally keep my distance from any horse. I have been bitten twice and am now twice shy. (Notice the group pic? Fight Like a Girl and hooker purse REPRESENT!!)

We ate lunch there and I point this out to just to mention the barbecue sandwiches. The girls and I had them and they were awesome! Memphis, Graceland, Elvis's restaurant and BBQ; it was good! The girls and I tore those sammiches up and then we rubbed our bellies with great satisfaction.

Just had to point out that I found chickens at Graceland. This stained glass window is in a wall diagonally behind Elvis's grave. And then...........!

We took pictures of some other hot chick there too!!

Oh man that made me laugh. The kids and my mom were kinda embarrassed but who cares! Elvis this one is for you.

First it was some innocent flirting.

2009-08-18T12:46:00.005-05:00

I had been secretly longing for a Wii for some time and one day Chris surprised me with one. I was so excited and could not wait to play its games and watch its suave green glow. What started with a few sweaty tryst throwing punches at boxing and cracking a whip like a well learned dominatrix while dressed as Indiana Jones has turned into so much more.

When some one anonymously left a whole Rockband set on our front step our relationship became more heated and a new song (well several old rock songs) swelled up from my heart. Wii and I started to spend more time together and he began to whisper even more breathy promises at me. Do we dare go onto that next step. I am married and this could either hurt my marriage or in some strange way give it a new life.
Yesterday I did it. We did it. I think I have entered a very unhealthy relationship. What should be a pleasure has turned into such pain that I was unprepared for. I am weak in the knees and have a soreness in my chest. I strapped it around my leg and took the leap.
That EA Sports Active kicked my butt!! I have never take some much ibuprofen in my life!!

My New Mantra

2009-08-12T09:13:00.002-05:00

Getting back to normal (I laugh at the word normal like a lunatic with a pair of scissors) routine I have already hit several walls. So in a effort to keep going forward I have cobbled together a string of inspirational words to continue of my feeble efforts to continue on.

* Thank God for a new day, tell your family you love them, and have faith that one day a less fecal day will dawn!

Thanks Laid Off Dad for reminding me about that.

The Halls!

2009-08-05T18:21:00.005-05:00

Sunday we drove to the Halls!! It is so awesome to get to go visit friends. They had just got back from vacation and a tornado had it just outside of their neighborhood. See when the Carter's come they can bring the Apocalypse with them! Lovely Tammy showed use her budding guitar skills. The woman can play the piano beautifully and sing down a house! Poor Jeff her husband was away on business but he gets to visit with us at our house next week.
The girl in the middle is the Halls youngest daughter Alex and the lovely lady on the right is one of her buddies, Hannah. Alex and CJ have known each other since they were six years old and were the best of buds. I haven't seen CJ just relax and have a good time in a while and it has been great watching him these past few days. Tammy and I have been harassing them and asking when their wedding is going to be.
I still don't have a photo of their oldest daughter Shaina but I hope to get one before we go. Shaina was going through a rough patch when they moved from NC back in 2003 but now she has grown into a wonderful young woman. I know Jeff and Tammy are very proud.

Chattanooga!

2009-08-05T17:38:00.008-05:00

Saturday we drove into Chattanooga, TN and took a quick trip to Ruby Falls. Ruby Falls in an underground water fall inside of Look Out Mountain. We took an elevator ride for Lord knows how deep into the mountain and then take a guided tour to the falls.
You also have to flatten yourself as close as you can into the rock walls to let other groups pass. Here is a photo of the girls perched in a little hollowed out sections waiting for another tour group to go by.
Here is one of the stalactite formations in the caves. I think this is the one called the Chandelier.
The falls were beautiful and we got to walk around the base, watch a light show and get all damp from the water spray. About that time it hit me that we were ridiculously deep underground and we paid money for the privilege. So glad I am not claustrophobic but I did get a little creepy feeling, but not too creepy because CJ and I started talking about the movie The Cave and how neat it would be to film something like that down there.

When we were done we went to Outback for dinner and then went to sleep in the hotel. Poor CJ has to sleep on the floor and he does a lot of complaining about it. I told him the other option was to sleep in a bed with Chris or I and he said No! Really? Are we that bad?

Hiking!

2009-08-05T11:09:00.006-05:00

Sliding Rock

2009-08-03T10:49:00.006-05:00

Friday we spent the day in Brevard, NC. Chris drove us around Brevard College campus and then we drove up the mountain into Mt. Pisgah national forest. A wonderful drive full of curvy roads. Now I must tell you Chris's driving does scare me. I have been in so many car accidents that I get gun shy when other people drive. Now Chris has his own driving issues that makes me just want to yelp out in fear; now add some mountainous curvy roads and I am fit to be tied. I also involuntarily tighten my butt muscles up, after that car ride my dairy aire's muscles were sore. The only other time that happened was when I was little. My butt muscles would tighten up in fear just before my parents gave me a whipping. Sometimes I still do the involuntary butt pucker when I am around my parents; mostly when I had said something that I know will bother them.

Back to vacation. Chris, CJ and Andrea went sliding down the famous Sliding Rock of Brevard County! Its a natural rock formation along the Looking Glass creek. Laney has a big fear of the water so we just waited at the bottom and took pictures. Laney played on the rocks and was a general terror to the other people. I am proud to report she only knocked off one kid from atop the rocks into the cold, cold mountain stream.

Take a picture of me Precious!

You can see in the last picture all three of them swimming to the edge together. CJ had to go done first so he could catch Andrea. Andrea was closing her eyes and holding her nose which prevented her from swimming in the pool at the bottom. CJ had to swim out and fetch her and Chris brought up the rear just incase.
After their trip down we took a drive along even more windy roads and hiked the trail to Looking Glass falls. We had a good time running around in the mud, finding rocks and playing in the water fall. At the end of our hike we played in the mountain stream and threw rocks in the water. Chris stayed atop of the bridge watching me slip into the water, laughing and dropping large boulders into the water so the water would splash all over us down below. Nothing says love like your daddy throwing boulders your way!

Just creepy.

2009-07-30T21:57:00.003-05:00

Chris and I are both in agreement. This woman is going to give us nightmares. What is with the story about some woman juggling? What am I suppose to glean from this object lesson/story told by a creepy woman elf like thing? Bing, Bing, Bing! Sounds like Stab, Stab, Stab, but with no real emotion. Gosh woman don't you have feelings?

And they're off!

2009-07-30T17:50:00.005-05:00

So we finally get to go on vacation. We don't go often; so there for the kids don't always do so great on long car rides. Today was a nice pleasant drive! I am shocked, just shocked. No fighting and no bickering just pleasant conversation. I think I even heard angels sing in the back of the van. Really!!

Chris treated us to icecream at Ben's produce stand on 211. Fantastic. Homemade. Ice. cream. I had the blackberry and a nice gentleman behind me asked how it tasted. Wonderful I told him, "a little seedy but good". Then I think the devil made me do it but I could not resist following that with a comment to Laney. "Just like your grandma!" (for the record none of the grandmas are seedy I just had to say it) The very nice man's eyes just about fell out of his head but it was worth it.

When the kids got to the room CJ just HAD to make a phone call to the girlfriend (apparently the three million texts he sent her from my cell phone was not enough for him) and the girls settled down to a nice game of Go Fish. After being cooped up in the car I figured the fighting would begin but nope just a nice friendly card game. Aren't they sweet!