Ah, Mother's Day. A day to honor your mother or to watch your family try to honor you. Personally that whole, 'here is one day you MUST show love to your mother' all day is just odd to me. Add different ladies boasting about what her fantastic cherubs and amazing husband did to worship at the alter of motherhood did that morning is also just odd. What happened to remembering my BIRTHDAY? You know that day were I actually did something. I came into existence. I mean that is no small thing but that day always slides by like a greased goose and I am stuck with the price of a few more wrinkles and grey hair that won't color. (I have paid professionals and those things still won't color. Stupid mutant hair)
Anyway I am blessed with a husband and spawn that want to do nice things for me and well I am always looking for the shoe to drop. I gave you a nice card, so can I have a sleep over, watch R rated movies, or have your credit card? You know those kinds of things. I sincerely try my hardest to show them I am thankful and I really truly am, but I just can't shake the suspicion. Alas my family knows I am dysfunctional and just carry on.
This morning Andrea made me breakfast, Laney painted me a picture of a big rig truck that says 'Best Mom', CJ gave me flowers and a funny bumper sticker for my van. Chris got me a nice collection of various golf accessories and golf lessons. (well the lessons will start when he finds the 'appropriate' teacher for me.............yeah I am a little worried about that too) After everyone was sharply dressed, hair coiffed and my war paint well applied; we headed off to church.
CHURCH. The gathering hole. God's house. The Body of Christ. The City of the Living God. Yup, the Big G's crib and I still have major problems going to church on Mother's Day. Basically it is a whole time period of motherly praises and I am counting up all the one less moments we have. One less chair is filled at the dinner table, one less kid to wake me in the morning, one less kid to go to school and one less kid to make homemade cards for me. Mother's Day is the one holiday that really kicks me in the gut while ripping my heart out.
I am getting better. The last two Mother's Days we took the family on a trip. Chris knew I needed to runaway. Today was less tortures than it could of been. Thank goodness the preacher taught about Jesus as the shepherd and not a whole mother specific sermon. But the point is I made it through.
After church Chris took the whole family and CJ's girlfriend, Applegate, out for lunch. We went to the new steak house in Hope Mills and I needed to blow off some steam. Chris seemed to handle the shenanigans well. I decided to seriously rock the whole "it's my day" thing and ordered a filet with a lobster. Oh, my that lobster was the source of much entertainment. The girls have never seen a person eat a whole lobster and watching me rip chucks of meat out of the once happy little sea critter was a sight to behold. I did ask the waiter for lobster tools so I could try to eat lady like but the restaurant did not have them. The chef had already split the tail and cracked the claws for me but from there you were on your own.
So while my whole family watched I popped the claws off with my bare hands and yanked the flesh out. While Laney's eyes grew larger and larger I dipped the sweat morsels into melted butter and gratefully relished the taste. (Laney also told me to not eat the eyes?)
.............................Sorry had to a small emergency and had to step away from the computer. Laney opened a new bottle of red Fanta, after shaking it up, in the kitchen and well red staining soda everywhere. So where were we? Oh, me gutting a lobster.
It did not take long for Andrea to notice that when I took the meat out of one of the claws, that it was still in good condition and best of all it still had the little thingy on the inside that you could pull and the claw would open and close. She quickly claimed it as her own and named it Sheldon. CJ clamed the other and was using it as a pincher to feed himself one french fry at a time. I also cracked open the head piece and showed the girls were the lobsters gills were. Somewhere during that time Chris and Applegate made eye contact and made a silent plea to each other but seriously what could be done?
The meal was fantastic and Chris noticed a moment for revenge. I hate country music and our waiter kept singing it. I was handling it well but after a while I started to get an eye twitch. The waiter also gave us a little speech about how he loved to sing country music and several people have been telling him to try out for American Idol and that some woman once paid him an extra $20 for singing so wonderfully while he served her. Yeah, what ever buddy that is so not going to happen with me.
The meal was nice and the offer for dessert came. Of course being the holiday glutton that I am I wanted an order of bread pudding but to go. So I could curl up on my couch, watch some tv, and enjoy the sweet goodness at home; AWAY from the country music. Chris looked up at the waiter told him the order but to serve it there at the restaurant. Yup, sold out by my loving husband just because we played with a lobster carcass at the dinner table. By the time we did finally leave I wanted to run out the door screaming. The waiter also had a dangling mole on his face that caused me some concern. It was also the first time I have seen a mole that dangled. I didn't know they existed.
The rest of my day was spent napping on the couch while watching episodes of Farscape. Yup, Happy Mother's Day.
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