A Shout Out to Ma Sista!! Mullah!!

Big Sista J put up an awesome post about her love of the YouTube and well once I saw it I just knew I had the video for her(well a couple). Jocelyn I think you got the music issues and I got Dad's strange movie issues. Which reminds me have you guys gone over to watch Time Bandits with him yet?

Dear Diary, Today I left him.

Today I got paint for the kitchen, a few odd and ends for Christmas and then made a last minute stop to Wal-mart to pick up potatoes for Thanksgiving. We laughed, we shopped, we casually strolled out to the parking lot and loaded the van with groceries. He took the empty cart over to the farthest cart return........and I drove off and left him.

You have to think about this. He dragged his butt slowly towards the idling car and well I got tired of waiting. CJ just slowly sat down onto the CLOSEST cart return (you know the one he should of used) and called me. "Mom, do you want me to walk home or are you going to come pick me up?" "I will come get you in a little bit..."

I drove home unloaded the groceries, paint, and odd and ends. Then grabbed a snack, and then got back into the van to pick him up.

Now I live less than a mile from Wal-mart so it was no major trip and I was only gone about ten minutes. He was in the same spot that I left him and when I drove up to pick him up I glanced over and saw it. I saw it as plain as day and CJ said it was there the whole time.

A police cruiser. A Fayetteville City police man sitting in his car. The nice policeman waved when CJ got into the car and away we drove.

So Diary today I abandoned my eldest at Wal-mart, the police watched me do it and well .............I got away with it. What else should I do on my crime spree???? Betty I'm a coming.

Where have I been?

(The girls at the Cumberland County fair)

Well we have been everywhere! I haven't posted because life gets busy and I have had a few hurtles of my own. September 24th was the official six month mark since Robbie passed. I wanted to post but then again I didn't want to post. The simple truth is people expect you to be doing OK but the reality is we are still struggling. Andrea is showing some stress with school, CJ went to therapy and I feel like I am constantly trying to catch up with my family's needs.

(Just a second before that horse tried biting her finger!)

My sister in law Jennifer came to visit a few times this past month and she asked me how I am doing. To be honest I have no freakin' idea. I feel like I am to busy putting out fires to deal with my own grief. My goal at first was to keep my family functioning as much as possible and I think I just pushed the emotional out of the way.
Then again going through the day to day and keeping a routine helps me to keep going when I do get depressed and saddened. It is a given that around the 24th of every month I get depressed and weepy and an all around butt to be around.
How can I not be a butt it comes so naturally and dang it!; if some of you people don't nut up here soon I am going to..........................................................

(My neighbor Dawn showing her urbaness; is that even a word?)

Anyway! The kids and I pretty much decided to just have fun and go with the flow. We have some big things we are dealing with and we could use the pick me ups when ever we can get them.

(CJ discovering the goodness of funnel cakes topped with apple, strawberries, and chocolate)

(The petting zoo had its own little side show going on and I had a few questions to answer.)

So again it is time to dig in. Andrea needs some extra help to keep up her school work. Some of her test scores have dipped and she is struggling with her AG work. She has always just taken what ever work was handed to her and happily ran with it. So now mommy is policing her homework, making sure she stays on task and on time. She has a chance to be in the Heart of Christmas show but that could very well be the last straw. That one still remains up in the air.

(Dawn got a lab pup named Max. Max and Laney have a love hate relationship)

CJ had an interesting rough patch that almost caused me to murder him. Lets just say some therapy and some time to just be himself really seemed to help. CJ's main problem was that he needed to grieve more openly than Chris and I were doing. He wants to talk about Robbie and he is afraid too because he knows it could cause us more pain. Giving him a person outside of the situation to talk to really helped. He has some other things he is working on and Chris and I are doing our best to help with it.

(My nephew Logan with my dad's beloved flamingos)

(A sampling of the kids that went to the zoo with us)

Laney has been sick. She caught two colds back to back and then for a wonderful finale got pneumonia. It was very scary just how fast the pneumonia came on. She was a little tired after school and about three hours later we were in the ER! Her immune system has taken quite a hit and she picked up a stomach bug last week. Right now I am trying to track down some flu vaccine for the kid. I was going to take her to a clinic at the Health Plex to get the H1N1 shot but there are already people lined up on the street for it. I don't want to keep her in the cold like that for who knows how many hours. So for now I am hounding the pediatrician and the health department.

(Andrea and her bestest friend in the whole wide world, Kayla)

(CJ and I got pedicures together. The little Asian ladies ragged on him for his gnarly feet.)

(The funny thing was CJ said his feet felt much lighter when they were done!)

I am trying to find an ending to this post but I can't. The hurdles will keep coming and I will keep beating them down with a vengeance because that is what my kids need right now. That is what I need right now.

(Laney was a fire fairy, Andrea was a wind fairy and I was a redneck fairy)

In the end that is what my kids will learn. When the worst happens you grab God with all your might and you take what ever comes your way and show who is boss. Thats how it gets done!!

The Car Accident

I would like to apologize for my last post. Apparently I have some major grammatical issues. Normally I read over my post several times and try to correct as many mistakes as possible but I don't know what I was smokin' but WOW. Here is an example "We had so much fun. This was Mom's birthday gift and I wanted her to have a great time. I did whatever I could to make and fun and boy did she! Mom got to dance with Aunt Bobbie, the girls were very jealous of Nana dancing and not them. I told them that this was Nana's special trip and that next time will be their turn. Some cheap souvenir jewelry from some of the pow wow vendors seemed to smooth it over." I wish I could figure out a way to cover this with tons of red ink. Just to make me feel better and well to also feed my strange need to be scolded by an English teacher. (But only a sexy male English teacher with a Scottish accent hhhmmmm accent.............. where were we??)

So we all had a great time at the pow wow and Sunday morning we were about to check out of the hotel and start our journey home. Then mom answers a phone call from the front desk. I was folding laundry and as soon as mom said, "yes a tan Toyota minivan" I just feel face first onto the bed. My new, NEW, van; not even two weeks old, van!! I grab my hooker purse and ran down stairs to find the whole back glass to my van gone!

A family from Texas driving an Expedition hit my van while they were backing out of their parking space. Now I have had few (several) accidents; some have been my fault and some haven't. (Dude, I hit my parents church with a station wagon once.) I have learned that no matter what you always call the cops. The dad was just going to put his info on my car and mom was still in the driver sit, car running, kids buckled in, and was in a hurry to get on her way!!! I lied through my teeth. "In North Carolina you have to call the police to any accident or your could be charged for leaving the scene of an accident" The little front desk clerk ran inside and called the cops. (Thank you little desk clerk, you were a little on the creepy side but you da' man!!)

The cop came, asked a few questions and filled out a report. During those questions it came out that mom hit my car not dad but mom was not turning over her license and info! No her little husband had to do it; apparently she was too busy! Gaw! Woman! You did it, why is your husband cleaning up your mess?

Now I would like to point out my behavior. I was nice! I was thankful the guy had insurance! I was pleased he stayed around for the police to show up. But then the wormed turned. When the family raced off on their way I realized there was a very big mess for me to clean up. Thankfully Little Desk Clerk, a maintenance man, and CJ helped to clean up the glass. When I realized that they did not even offer to help clean up but just took off I was mad. Oh no they didn't!!

The true depth of my anger was not realized until Aunt Bobbie called to check on me and I was at the gas station trying to vacuum up all the broken glass from the interior of the car. Explaining to Aunt Bobbie what happened; it hit me; it hit me hard. That woman that hit my car did not even get out of her car, did not even apologize to me, made her husband take care of the insurance info, and then drove off with her big a&# car not to be bothered by me anymore.
I am the one that had to spend a life time on the phone with the insurance company, me and my family had to stay another night in Ponca City, we were a day behind on our trip back home and I had to drive with plastic on the back of my car through five states. The woman did not even say she was sorry!!

What the crap lady!! Yeah it was an accident. I understand that; I've caused a few accidents and I am the last person to condemn you for that. I am just ticked off because you can't say "I'm sorry". Its not hard. It is a good healthy thing to do. You screw up and apologize. No biggie!

So Renee H. of Pearland Texas I hope an armadillo gets stuck in your tailpipe!





I would also like to point out that during these events CJ was texting Nick S. about how cool it would be to see me in a sudden death match with Renee H. of Pearland Texas. Personally I believe I could break her little twiggy legs in the first round but no knock out. I like to draw my beatings out for while. They are much more satisfying that way.

The Pow-Wow

I have wanted to take the kids to a pow-wow with my Aunt Bobbie and Uncle Henry FOREVER! So I decided to take the plunge and take the kids out to Oklahoma for the 133rd annual Ponca Pow-wow. I have attended a couple of pow-wows here in North Carolina but they are run much different than I was use too. They actually have individual "drum bands" with weird garage rock band names like Blazing Morning Star or Government Queso and they make up their own songs! A real shock to me. No honored elders specially invited to sing at the drum just some strange guys cutting cds of their rockin' chants. Gaw!!

This trip also took some prepping for Laney. She asked a few interesting questions.
"Mom what do Indians eat?", "Well honey Mr. Grandpa is an Indian and he eats normal food",
"Mom what do Indians wear?", "Laney Indians wear clothes like us."
"Mom what do Indians live in?", "Mr. Grandpa is an Indian and he lives in a house."
"Mom Mr. Grandpa lives in a trailer, do all Indians live in a trailer, does Mr. Grandpa sometimes call it a tee pee, can you pee in a tee pee?"...........................
After a few reassuring words and some well placed threats Laney was ready to meet the Indians.

Once we got to the pow-wow I about had a heart attack. There was an abnormal amount of children smoking cigarettes and cigars. I was MAD. How dare those parents just cut them kids lose and let them cut up like that!? I fumed and steamed over that well into the next afternoon. I was making plans to hang posters of lung cancer and smoking hot lines all over the place. I had justified a trip to Kinkos and a staple gun as a reasonable vacation expense. Then on a walk around the pow wow grounds I stepped on a plastic cigarette that pushed out a thin trail of chalky smoke when I stepped hard enough on it. Most of those kids (not all) were running around with fake smokes and pretending to puff away like little smoke fends. Now I had a new mission. Where in the world do I find those awesome toys. I was ecstatic when later that night I scored two plastic cigarettes and a fat rolled paper cigar.

We had so much fun. This was Mom's birthday gift and I wanted her to have a great time. I did whatever I could to make and fun and boy did she! Mom got to dance with Aunt Bobbie, the girls were very jealous of Nana dancing and not them. I told them that this was Nana's special trip and that next time will be their turn. Some cheap souvenir jewelry from some of the pow wow vendors seemed to smooth it over.

CJ got to hang out with some of the Ponca kids and stand out like a sore thumb doing it and then I noticed it. All the little Indian girls checking him out. They say a good looking blonde kid with blue eyes and sweet Southern accent; the sharks were circling. I left my gun at home and had to rely on my own ability to instill fear into others to run them off. As luck would have it my cousin Jason's mother in law gave me a really nice pocket knife. Now I do have a pocket knife but it stays in my purse with my tampons. Its a great knife but its too big to keep in my pocket. It just feels uncomfortable and pokes me in the hip. Now the new one is smaller and fits in my pocket perfectly. I was prepared but then fate stepped up in the form of Jason's sister in law, Storm. She seemed to ward off all the other little Indian girls and boy that was some trick. There was a pack of them and they had babies, strollers and toddlers in tow. I just couldn't wrap my mind around threatening some young girl in front of her babies. I can if I need too I just really don't want to get on the news that way. You know "woman saves family from house fire" is fine just not "woman beats teen with her baby's stroller"!

We enjoyed three nights of great dancing, fellowship with family and most of all healing. It is a strong desire of mine now to spend time with my family. Since Robbie's death I just want to run to my mom's house and hide for a while and spending time with Bobbie and Henry helped with that. To hear Henry's prayers for me and to talk with Bobbie about my heart and were it stands today and were it will be later was, I don't know, cleansing.

After much fun it was time to go home, but fate twisted again and the car accident happened............................

(no Indians were harmed in the retelling of this story. All stunts were executed by well trained Stunt Indians. Do not try this at home.)